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Just By The Way.
OTTINGS FROM HERE & THERE.
im Biggest Say —
"A man has very little voice in the
urnishing of a home," complains a
husband.
' J
Ridiculous! He has the biggest
oice of all—the invoice.
Wisecracks.—
"The quickest way to get a policeman,"
we are told, "is to-blow a police
whistle." Or leave a car unattended
in a busy street.
• A film actress sold Msses at a recent
fete. For once in a while wives
were careful, to impress on their husbands
the need for the strictest eco-
nomy.
A film actress declares that she
loves the simple things In life. Some
actresses marry several of them.
The "eating championship" of an
American town was won by a farmer's
boy, who consumed leg of mutton,
two steak pies, and three pounds
of potatoes. The lad explained afterwards
that he would have done better
if he had been hungry.
Breaking Even.—
His Wife: "John I gave you this
letter to post a month ago, and I
just found it -in a pocket of one of
your coats." ,
Her Husband: "I remember now, I
took that coat off at the time and
asked you to sew a button on, and it
isn't on yet."
Cricket Practise.—
Brown was chatting his daughter
about heif latest admirer. "I ; see he's
getting ready for the cricket season,"
he said.
"But father," protested the girl,
"what do you mean ? Herbert doesn't
play cricket."
"Oh, I thought he did," replied Pa.
"He seems to be practising long stop
every evening." •
A Long Journey.—
A swallow released in Eritrea; the
Italian colony bordering Abyssinia,
has arrived at Tortona, North Italy,
with a message tied to one of its legs.
This is believed to be the first time
a swallow has been used for carrier
purposes.
Why It Happens.—
When one remembers that in ordinary
columns there are 10,000 pieces of
type, there are seven wrong positions
that a letter may be put in, and there
are 70,000 chances to make errors,
millions of chknces for transpositions,
he will not be too critical. In the
short sentence, "To be or not to be,'
by transposition alone it is possible too
make 2,759,022 errors. So you can ;
see the perils that beset a. printer.
That Empty Feeling.—
The little girl had been told at the
Sunday School all about the poor heathens,'and
when mother asked hgr
about it the little gill said:—
"Oh, yes, the teacher told us they
were very hungry, and when they beat
their tum-tums, they could be heard
for miles."
A New Zealand Record.— ... ... ...
Deposits in the New Zealand Post
Office Savings Bank now exceed
£51,000,000, the highest figure ever recorded.
Willing to Learn.-—
'"Yes," said the managing director,
"we do need a young in this office.
Do you smoke, chew, swear, drink and j
run around at nights?"
j
"No, sir," replied the applicant.
"But I could learn."
A Punter Stung.—
Sitting in a barber's chair recently,
a well known Kalgoorlie sporting man
was being urged to punt a certain
horse. He was not too keen on it, but
suddenly gave a yell and sprang from
the chair. A battery had been applied
to the back of his neck. That changed
his mind about the. equine's xshances.
A Master of Chess.—
Lilienthal, the Hungarian mąst§r of
chess, recently playea 155 boards gim^
ultaneously at the Gorky Central park
of Rest and Culture in Moscow. The
game, which was undertaken to establish
a new world record, was played
by chess players of the fourth and
fifth categories. The game lasted
nine hours and five minutes. Lilienthal
won 97 games, lost 9, and made
26 draws, establishing a record both
in number of games and in time.
Then—and Now!—
Once upon a time, if a man went
into a shop to buy a pair of stockings
for his wife, the lady shop assistant
would blush deeply at his inquiry.
But, nowadays, a man asking the modern
miss for a pair of braces is just
as likely as not to be handed a pair
of brassieres.
Described.—
The modern bathing suit consists
either of awful pauses fastened together
by" a few threads, or a few
threads kept apart by awful pauses.
Talking of Bosses.—
"I've worked under the same boss
for twenty years."
"That's nothing. It's my silver wedding
next week."
Believe it or Not.—
Dawn found an Englishman, an
Irishman, and a Scotsman, the three
survivors of shipwreck, drifting helplessly
on a raft in the middle of a
vast ocean.
Night came and still no sign of rescue.
When all looked hopeless, the Irish
man knelt in silent prayer. Quickly
the Engpshman snatched off his hat
as a sign of respect, and the Scotsman
took a flying leap into the sea.
He thought the Englishman
about to make a collection.
Australia's Appetite.—
was
In the form of 655,277 tons of flour
Australians eat annually 31,453,296
bushels of wheat. This works out at
202 lbs. jflour per capita—the product
of 4,848 bushels of grain. The Australian
appetite is the second-best single
custofer for Australian wheat.
Annually we ship to Britain about
three million bushels more than we
eat loyally.
Record.—
J-^arothers and sisters of the
*• - ,-igr.
Chambers family, most of whom live
at Ilford (Eng.), claim the world's
family age record, with an aggregate
of 842 years. The youngest is 56 and
the oldest 78. There were once two
more children, who died at the ages of
71 and 76. The parents both lived to
be 80. . The: whole, -family has been
long-lived, and aii tinele of the recordmakers
needed to be, as the War Office
kept him waiting 40 years for a medal.
Forgotten Fortune?.—
Forgotten fortunes -totalling nearly
£4,000,000 are being .cared for by the
British National Debt Commissioners.
The sum represents the value of British
Government securities, and their
accumulated dividends, which have
never been claimed by the original
purchasers. One of these holdings—
in Consols—is worth nearly £200,000.
No one has ever come forward to
claim it. An Englishwoman living in
Marseilles did not even know that she
possessed a fortune amounting to
£56,000, with accumulated dividends
totalling nearly £20,000. For years
she had lived by borrowing or begging
from relatives or neighbours.
His Problem.^—
I have a niche for shoes and hats,
For sweaters, collars, coats aiid
vests;
A trouser press to crease my slats,
What time iny shirts recline in
chests,
Together with' my socks and ties _
Of mingled tones, from blue to pink.
And being orderly and wise,
I keep a bov for studs and links,
But desperation clouds my face
And scores my brow with lines and
ridge—
I'm damned if I can find a place
To put my feet when playing
bridge!
Some "Talkies."—
A complete apparatus is shortly to
I
be put on the market by a Birmingham
firm which will place the production
and projection of talking films
within the "means of any amateur photographer..
The whole equipment, including
camera, microphone, anfl amplifier,
together with thę necessary
projection equipment, will cost no
more than the average silent camera
and projector. The film used will he
9.5 m.m. film, which is already used
by amateur photographers for the
production of silent films- The sound
track will run alongside the picture
as in the case of the ordinary standard
film. The apparatus for taking
the sound film will not be cumbersome;
the camera measures about 5in.
by 5in. by 5in., and together with the
microphone and amplifier and necessary
batteries will weigh less than 10
lb. The projector will give a picture
up to 6 ft. in width, while the sound
utput will be 3 watts, equivalent to
the output of the average radio set
$