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Oil Yes! Certainly.
Scales continues to ~ivo.fu!l weight, (
and a hit over, a.t St. George's Hail.
* * »
Bar belles who take their back teeth
out to ciao shouldn't leaive them -on the
table.
• * *
Mollie and Maud still tell short
stories heard oniy outside Sunday
schools.
* * *
Miss Moran "eleanod'^up other .posterites
in "Old Dateh" style at the carnival.
m • * *
Tommy Cecil, of the (Port Pictures, is
one of the pushing crowd down Fvemamle
way.
*
.
*
»
Hear Bill Davis' oration on that
woweristiu maxim, "A hotelkeeper is
not a citizen, he is a criminal."
* w *
If Joe Brennan, the Dandies* droll
dame, isn't careful he will be gathered
by the Women's Khaki Cranks.
» * *
You don't needi to sell yourself to
the Devil, nowadays. He just enters
your name on his waiting list.
* * *
If Lutev -wants to talk Scadidan out
Of Browrihill-'Ivanhoe he will need to
become more "flutey" than, Lutey.
• * *
If Pilky unbends he will .probably
break. The haughty one would be the.
most unapproachable * * membah * evah.
Judge GRooth put off coming back as
long as possible, and then he was
mined at Bombay when on the Mongolia.
* * *
Troy and Chesson had no difficulty
in keeping hold of their seats so far
as Labor is concerned with selection
ballots.
* * *
There -be a decided sprinkling of true
blue "Libs" in the 'Labor dovecot at the
Port—and their tonnage is equal to
their hide. . • •
Time (brother Kaufmann of the Met.
Dentals had a holiday. Hard yakker
at the accounts branch wears down the
best ot them.
» * *
For swearing in South Terrace on the
Sabbath a soldier named Schwarer was
separated from five shillings at FrQmantle
last Monday.
* * *
A Portonian spruiker writes expressing
his sincere thanks for the limelight
accorded him in this paper. Not often
they take it so well.
» « *
Bill Orenike on the wowser platform
was a sight never to be forgotten. And
the 'mob" enjoyed the joke put .up bythe
-boss of the Met.
* • •
Dr. Billy Maloney, MJE.R. for Melbourne,
has been at his son's farm at
Kondinin. The popular little man returns
East by this week's 'boat.
» » *
What a prime joke—Scaddan and
the "Slimes" as political bedfellows!
The progeny should be a mixture of
Gastropods » and weathercocks. * *
Furber, the wheel whirler, and Marvellous
Mawbey, caused as' much excitement
as a wowser's appearance
amongst • a meeting « of gentlemen. *
•A charming reception to the last lot
of "returneds"—though the pubberies
had to "close doors," the lads were
flapperously • received » at the • shi.psicte. ..
Finishing- up with tlie'Customs case
last Friday, lawyer Pilkington addressed
a meeting 1 of ladies in- his political
campaign. From customs to
costumes.
* » *
Two barbelles of our acquaintance
saw a pomeranian fondling another
dawg in the street. Since then they
don't kiss the noses of the "dear little
things."
• » *
Draper Lathlain's photo In the
"Slimes" last week has 'been awarded
first prize in that spitty paper's chamber
of horrors, in the photo line, of
course.
*. * * -
Brother Mabel, of Klepalo fame, is
one of the hard working persons
found in the numerous go-ahead business
houses of this State, and he gets
there every time.
*' • *
Brother RiseJeyv of the "Primary
Producer," passed the "fit" test with
flving; colors. His unsuspected development
raised the admiration of all
the other ordinary males.
* m •
Sydney Hall of the Narrogin "Observer,"
an overworked country pressman,
had a look in to the city this week.
Like most other pressmen, Mr. Hall has
no illusions about politicians.
« * *
Nobody can accuse sharebroker Mellor
of airing his opinions on the question
of conscription. But if A.J.M.
wandered to the front he -would want to
"bear" the German's chances.
# * *
"Dick" Miller, of Spencer's (Pictures,
finds the times prosperous in the picture
world, especially Billee Burke
every alternate week. Gloria alone
would fill * the house « to capacity. *
A lady named Alice Pirrie made her
112th -bow to the Premantle Bench last
Monday morning. R.M. Dowley resented
Alice's 'persistent attempts to claim
acquaintance -by sending her up for 21
days. J • * •
The daylie -suppress were awful
"kind" to the speakers who took the
broad view at the anti-shouting meeting—their
remarks being unprintable.
But, as a square-off, they gave Tom Allan
an "also spoke" report. |
• » • '
It seems "Truth" was wrong in the
matter of the Scaddan letter. The
"Slimes" and its pup, the "Gun," at
Kalgoorlie, say so. But is their opinion
unbiassed? Would they be allowed
on a jury, that believed in truth?
* • •
Fabre, Bichardson and Lines, according
to "Vigilant," the "Vest"
Gnashional Labor scribe, have been appointed
to organise branches. Bythe-bye,
when Vigilant has time he
might dig up some history of prominent
Bosses' Laborites from the "Court
Chronicles."
• • •
J. B. Holman, the eonscriptionist, has
been again selected by 'Labor for the
Murchison, the only "anti" seat in
W.A. Must have been something: in
Mulga Taylor's famous remark, when
J.B.H. was first elected, that they
elected the barber and could have put
in the barber's pole if they had wanted
to do so.
* • •
Talking about the Fruit Industry,
Cranny "Herald" of Sydney at one time
tried to say that next issue would con
tain a topical article on thrips (a fruit
disease). But the liiroty>per made it a
"tropical article on tripe," and as such
it ran the 'blockade of the blockheads
and dnly disfigured the grandmotherly
announcement.
s * •
At the Trots. Last race. Redwood
and Woodlarlc fighting it out. 1st Punter
(on the stand): "What a great finish!
I do like a good finish whichever
wins. Come on Woodlark! Woodlark
ron ibeauty!" 2nd Punter (on Redwood):
"I like a good finish, but like
my fancy in front." 1st Punter (magnanimously,
Woodlark still in front):
"Oh, hang the money. A good finish
does me." Redwood- advances, Woodlark
"breaks," Redwood wins. 1st Punter
{irately} : - "Oh, the ft—J*——
Tfae Question is, will brother Piikiugtoa
unbend during the election I
• * *
The No van as report of 'brother Bumside
doesn't contain that -"frank speaking"
S'ilonor
threatened
from the'
Bench.
*
Why should Lefroy'i political past
be dug up? Wiry, indeed, should- Nero
be cursed to this da.y' : ior his Roman
excesses? , .
''
*
«.
•The ."Slimes" has made a wonderful
discovery. it brackets "Truth" and
the "West" as "gutter" journals—no
doubt as foils to its saintly self.
* *. * . .
The Furber-Maw bey Taiso at the
Skatery was some departure from the
usual, and. looks as', difficult as a man
trying • to carry an armful of eels
across -Niagara on. a tight rope.
"» „ £ • •
We'd appreciate th e talented Flockton
Foster even more" if ho would cut
out the comedy and emit more stuff of
the "Dollars aiud Dimes" calibre.
+ *• i*
Two ladies who looked as lit they
knew more about washing tubs thau
witchcraft, were lined a quid apiece at
the Port last week for "forchia-telliu'."
* * '••"'*
"Fancy You Fancying Mc," by Pearlie
McKenzi e at St. George's Hall, is a
dainty tiLbit that -Harry Scales can insert
ia any menu for the present Setson.
* » * .
When the police raided a ^ Fremantia
fortune-teller's place last week seven
deluded females were anxiously waiting
to see what the future held in store lor
them.
« it •
"Jack" Stirling, leader of the "Vest"
staff, is the next from that office
going into khaki. With a staff cut to
the bone "leading" on the "Vest" is no
sinecure.
* * • ' '
At a consecration corroboree at St.
John's, Fremantle, "the service was
sung by the Rev. 'Cannon' Moore." And
they wonder why -people won't go to
church.
• * •
If the Lord was building another
Eden, reserved for pou and yours for
ever, and asked for a list of what JTou
wanted in it—how many Eves would
YOU order?
« • •
The feminine portion of the debonair
Dandies is comely and cuddlesome,
but the masculine half wouM
take some whipping in the Ugly Men
competitions.
« * »
. Colonel. "Tom!'. Todd, just returnecl
to duty after beingi wounded; forecasted
seven years' war before he left W.A.
And he was not one of the pessimistic
variety at any time.
• »' *
Bosses' Labbrites are whooping
because Pa Spence was elected for
Darwin. Quite right too. Wasn't it
Darwin who thought there was a missing
link somewhere.
* *. *
Was Miss Coadys harem from Northam
responsible for the clcsing of
pubs and th e riotous behavior of the
clamoring crowds at the Tivoli door
on Pierrot Poster Night.
* * *
Labor women of Perth are conduct*
ing a "most humorous -Lahorite" competition
for the furnishing of a room
for themselves at the Trades HalL
Sylvie Donaldson is making it giee.
»" • .. -••» *
The anti-shouting absurdity Is attracting
little attention in the Port.
Few can Afford to 'buy enough -beer for
themselves these times. And anyhow,
nobody wants « to shout * for • wowsers. • •
Now that Scaddan, Nevanas and Co.
have all been acquitted after a foggy
inquiry, what -will Bertie Johnson, Mulga
Taylor, and others have to say?
They reckoned they "knew," in the long
ago.
• * •
Lawyer Showard Bath, of Bunbury, s
was in Perth last week-end. The
beau ideal lawyer of the "pitchers"
and the "stige." But where, oh
where, did he get that funny little
bowler hat?
*x » *
"The (Little Dr." (Maloney of Melbourne)
has been -collecting local statistics
during his st^y in the West—particularly
regarding the -unwarranted
spread of the "win the war" 'brand of
wowserism.
• * *
Hockey casualties Jast Saturday included
an egg-sized lump over.the eye
inflicted on an opponent by a slashing
drive of Dot Farrow's: also a hit on .
the nose with one of the crooked sticks,
the ^victim being little "Biddy."
It is rumored that the cadaverous
Carpenter does not intend to contest the
Premantle seat at the forthcoming elections,
as his devotion to the Flag, th®
Empire, etc., etc., will net allow him to
oppose a soldier Vho has "done his bit." .
* • *
According to e, rwanwd soldier who
recently gaated on Hairy Lander at the
London ,.Sha£t«Bary, ""Jock" Campbell,
of the PJI^s.. is a. anor* '.entertain- ;
in<j Scot than the ower-Jauiiod Lauder,
who owns -sip <i> dTa^rtng £500 a week
in the "Three Cheers" revue.
» » »
Labor Organiser Mis. Carson is roping
in a lot of the flv© bob 4 week
titters from various sweatories about
town, and Peter. OVLoghlen is .placing
jewels of philosophy before them in
that hotbed of caniirbalistic rites, the
Trades Hall—or • is « it Trades • Haul?
In a breach of promise case,„heord
recently, the aggrieved lady's lawyer
bloke told th e court that the "defendant,
a cockyi "preferred his cows to
his-fiancee." This-.sort of tiling sometimes
takes place after marriage; but
is scarcely ever heard of during, the
courtship. *
• * «
A man was caught coming away from
the s.s. Baraibra last Saturday with a
leg of mutton, a &uiIoek*s heart, and a
lump of 'butter about tho size of a football,
concealed iu his trousers. The
high cost of living, no doubt. Anyhow,
for one calendar month he will bo
kept free of charge.
» » »
This week "Truth" was presented with
a 'bulky volume, which at first sight
seemed like the "Biter Bit," A closer
examination revealed the ;title to 'be
"Bitter Pit," or the fifth-progress report
of the Fruit Industries Commission oa
that particular disease.
• • • • • ••
Commenting on the death of a returned
/soldier at Fremantte a tveek or
so ago, the "Western -Argus" says lhat
"the tragedy,cast a gloom over the festivities
which were in ^progress -in
honor of the returning soldiers." Well,
well. And yet there arasome -who saythat
the closing of the pcfts *.vas il'O
chief cause of- the melancholy welcome
accorded to the men. who have "dort®
their foiL"
* • » •
Among? soldiers recently invalided
home from the front were SOTpaant
Con Dow, D.CJM., of KpJsoorlie. who
is well knows* in the racing world, and
Alf. Pady, one of Frrrniantle'^ staunchest
Labor men. : Old habits are hard
to shake off even after two 'or three
•years of military life. Con was industriously
trying to pick winners at
Helena Vale on Wednesday when it
was difficult to pick a trl&r, while A.
P. barracked- as lustily as ever for
Bast Fremantle foottoallora agiunet
Perth last Saturday.
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