Please wait. Contacting image service... loading

Article text

THROUGH A MANS' EYEGLASS. j
—The Ideal Geutlewoman
[All rights reserved.]
[By Phil. Godfrey.]
-Like Majf, Like Woman.—
As the man is, so is his ideal woman. J o
gauge a man's character there is no surer
und simpler way than to ask him confi
dentially his opinion of the opposite sex.
lie who is hostile to women, as a. body, who
dwells only on their faults, who is given to
malting cheap jokes at their expense, who
forgets that they are as human as he, and
demands from them a perfection in all
respects that he would think preposte
rous and unreasonable if required from
himself—who imagines that every gill he
meets who .is civil to him, or jests with
him, is anxious to "hook" him, as he ele
gantly phrases it; whose favourite speeches
to his female friends and relations begin
with the words "Women always," or "Yon
ladies always"—is never a high type of our
sex. T't is curious to note that almost
invariablv the weakling, the semi-invalid,
the evil-liver, and the unintelligent
nourish a feeling of antagonism to women,
while the strong, brave, capable men who
can hold their own in the world never de
preciate them. When all is said and done,
men and women are very much alike, and
act in much the same fashion when their
surroundings, education; position, and
mode of bringing up are the same, lo wo
. men, in particular, men owe their birth
and nurture. To bring men into the world
their mothers risked their lives. In infancy,
and youth women tend and care for us,
bear with our fretfulness, and too frequent
ly reap only ingratitude in later years. In
manhood women love and cherish us with
faithful affection, and often help us to suc
cess in life. In old age and sickness women
nurse and console us, and when at last we
iexpire, a. woman's tender hand closes
our eyes.
—Must Chivalry Die?—
These are considerations that make most
men tender to their mother's sex, and wil
ling to dwell on their good qualities ra
ther than their failings. 'These are the
true reasons why women are honoured m
every civilized race, and treated with de
ference. When I hear young fellows de
claring* that if women enter professions, or
seek to gain a living by competition with
allcomers in the open market, they can no
longer expect to be treated with courtesy, it
seems to me that they must ignore the
fact that chivalry is not the outcome of
the economic dependence of women, but of
the intrinsic facts of their womanhood.
Women ore evef the best and irost devoted
friends of men, when we on our side know
how to choose theui rightly, and are not
led by the gaudy colouring of the poppy
to neglect and despise the lily of the val
ley. It Is ungenerous afterwards 10 blame
tlie poppy for being, a poppy, but, as A
witty womajn put i't—"Soma men will
marry a negress, and then beat her for
being black. Indeed, the ideal woman of
certain persons might be a person who
was pot a gentlewoman at all—some one
pushful, loud-voiced, blatant; in a word
a female edition of themselves. To others
the dear little simpleton is the ideal—the
hplpless, witless type of girl, who screams
at a mouse, and shivers at a beetle, who
loses her railway ticket, and is incapable
of taking care of herself or her luggage,
who enters into conversation with any cad
or lounger who addresses her. and tells
him all her concerns, or who asks easy
little questions of men, and is amazed at
their superior knowledge. "Do two and
two really inak'e four, Mr. Tompkins? Oh,
indeed! 'Fancy, main-ma, Mr. Tompkins
says two end two really make four! Ob,
isn't he clever!"
—Idiot or Schemer?—
This sort of girl is either an idiot if
she bp sincere, or else so very much cleverer ;
than Mr. Tompkins, if only assuming sim
plicity, that in either case the youth would
lie well advised to have nothing to do with
her. If Tompkins be rich he is in danger.
At the same time this type appears to
realize the ideal of many a man Avho is
either himself stupid, and therefore pleas
ed to find some one still more stupid whom j
he can instruct, or else is a person of no
importance, unaccustomed to bo treated
with deference or taken seriously oy other :
men, and therefore charmed to find some j
one who appears to listen to him with
respect and admiration. To others the
ideal is a girl who has already a train of
adorers. Many women are so anxious to
win the admiration of men, even of men of
no account, who i-eflect no special credit
<in them, that to gain it they will descend
to tactics that are petty and ignoble: Of
ten other men looking on wonder among
themselves how a pretty girl can en
dure the presence and attentions of So
and-so. If the girl in question belongs to
the cunning class it is because she
knows t.bat not a few. young men are
like sheep, and follow where others lead,
and so she encourages every one,, knowing
that each helps.to swell her train. It iB
curious to uoteliow many reputedly charm
ing and fascinating women have among
thear admirers a. large percentage of "dead1
heads" whom others - less sophisticated
would promptly discard, ..but whom these
worldly-wise ladies retain in their suite to
swell their triumph*; and encourage the.
others. It is astonishing to find how many
society beauties are content to be wooed by
men of straw in the hope of attracting
others more worthy of their charms, who
like to carry off a wife who has received the
public approval of our sex.
—What is the Ideal?—
To finer natures, however, those which
alone are capable of appreciating her at her
true worth, many qualities, positive and '
negative, go to compose the ideal gentie
woman, and public approval or a crowd of
lovers are not essential factors. The ideal
gentlewoman is pften overlooked. If I had
to give my opinion of what primarily con
stitutes the ideal gentlewoman I should be
inclined to say the possession of a good
heart. There are many well-dressed and
correctly mannered young ladies who are
not ideal gentlewomen, simply for lack of
this indispensable organ, which in their
ease is of the kind adapted solely for blood
pumping, and has not the power of feeling
necessary for kindliness and tact. The girl
who leaves her tired mother to cope as best
she may with household difficulties, while
she herself goes off to play tennis; who
takes all she. can get from every one, whe
ther in service, or friendship, or affection,
without ever seeking to make a return, or
to consider their interests as opposed to iier
own, has not in her the material to make
an ideal gentlewoman, whatever outward
gifts and graces she may possess. The ideal
gentlewoman is gentle and womanly, sen
sible and humorous. Womanliness does not
necessarily imply weak and obtrusive
femininity. To be womanly is a noble and
essential attribute; and, as the greater in
cludes the less, it includes all that is
feminine in the best sense, while rising
superior to the pettiness, the spite, the ig
norance, and narrowness of mind labelled
"feminine" that may exist without a par- :
tide of true womanly feeling.
—-Fool or Clever?— j
Bracketed with gentleness and womanli- j
liess I should place comtnonsense, for the 1
female fool is the idSal of none save the male
fool. True, every man will say he does not
wish to many a "clever" woman, but by !
"cleverness" he understands the Becky
Sharp-like attributes of the intriguer and
the "managing" woman, or the affected
learning of the half-educated precieuse; but
we men all experience and appreciate
the advantage of genuine ability of the
women of our family, which en
ables them to do and say the
light thing, to avoid making enemies, to
exercise tact. Believe me, the woman of i
whom nobody says she is clever is often
exceedingly clever, and shows it in no way
more Ibap in being able to avoid having
herself labelled with the objectionable ad- I
- j active. Sometimes a woman who has
studied a great deal is dull and heavy on
hands, but this is the fault of the woman, j
not of the reasonable study. She would be
equally dull and heavy if she did not know !
A from B, but many people mistake cause
for effect. The type of the would-be clever
woman, too, like Mary Bennet in "Pride
and Prejudice," lias helped to make the
title unpopular. An Irishman who had
married a girl who was not particularly
voung, or pretty, or well-endowed, met his
landlord one day soon after the wedding.
"So you've married Peggy Casey, after all,
Pat?" '"Yes, y'r Honor, I have." "Now
why did you choose her? They tell me you
■might have load Mary Daly, that owns
three cows, or Kate Kellv, that's the hand
somest girl In the parish. What did you
see in your wife?" "Well, y'r Honour, to
tell ye the truth I might have got a pret
tier girl, or a richer girl, but my own
Peggy is the only woman in the world I'd
care to spend a wet Sunday with." There
was Peggy's secret. She was really clever, !
and consequently-companionable, for to be j
good company takes cleverness of a very |
Solid, and genuine, and pleasing kind, and
to this, my dear young ladies, we men
have no earthly objection, though, thanks ]
to old-time prejudice, we most of us fight j
shy of the word, and protest that clever
ness in women is just what we most de- ]
test, a pronouncement which gives mighty j
encouragement to the race of silly misses,
and induces them to go on giggling and
noting instead of learning sense and turn
ing their attention to oookery and sound
literature, which are good for both body
and soul.
'—Women and Jokes.—
Ability and common sense, however,
while giving balance and solidity to the
character, must be combined with a sense
of humour to be really admirable, for the
excellent and domesticated creature who
cannot see a joke until she has explained it
to the man who made it, never fails to be
come a bore. Misplaced solemnity is dis
tressing, -and earnestness, untempered by
possibilities of innocent: frivolity, has doom
ed manv an otherwise excellent woman to
tingle blessedness for life. To be of value,"
however, humour must be natural and
spontaneous, not cheap, flippant, or affect
ed. The woman with a genuine sense of
(humour: is kindly and tender; the woman
without it is often severe. The worrtan with
a' Veal sense .of buinonr' dobs: not, exagge-'1
rate the importance of trifles, • does not la-,
ment too' long or too loudly over the break
ages of the second-best graVy dish, or 'tlio^
imperfections of servants, aha tradespeople.
She liever makes "scenes,": fro'ih wkielr all
men shrink vfi'tli1 the ihoral cowardice that
.the earnest vVoman
qoea the woman with a sense of humo—
caress or correct her menfolk iir 'pubUc. On
the contrary, she avoids, with h fine in-,
stinct, making either herself or those dear
to her ridiculous. While appreciating ■
humour, I hasten to say that in a man's:
eyes a bitter Ant is not a desirable attri
bute, or one he attributes to the ideal gen-.
tlewoman. Mordant and scathing speechek
are not promoters of love; and, though
they may and often" do go with fine natural
qualities and a sound heart, it is a fact that
harsh words stick in the memory, and that
both men and women are more frequently
hated for what they say than for what they
do. Amiability in a Avoman is desired by
every man, even by him whose ideal in
other respects is not high. Bad temper,
lack of self-control, and consequent hysteric
tendencies do more to ruin the peace of
homes than even drink, for they are more
widespread, and are attended by less pub
lic disgrace. Placidity is a great blessing
when it does not go with a lazy, lymphatic,
slovenly disposition, such as frequently ac
companies it. Of two evils, however, choose
the lesser, and for my part I'd sooner put
up with indolence than be worried to death
by a tart tefmageut, even though my world
ly goods suffered by the oue and gained by
the other.
—Tact.—
Simplicity of manner and kindlineas ot
address enable the ideal gentlewoman to set
every one about her at ease. She never
appears to see anything which she feels
instinctively a guest would prefer her not
to have noticed, and, what is more wonder
ful, 6he does not talk about it afterwards.
Her word is her bond. She is honourable
through and through, and would no more
listen"to a conversation not meant for hgr
ears, or read a letter not addressed to her,
than would her brother; for, without be
ing in the least unpleasantly masculine, the
ideal gentlewoman is in many respects an
ideal gentleman, just as in the nature of
the best type of man there always enters
something of the woman. The ideal gentle
woman never shows her superiority by
making others look small or feel awkward,
but she is not the sort of woman with
whom the boldest -will venture on- an im
pertinence or take a liberty. Though she
appears to ignore everything thgt others
would wish tier to overlook, though she
never makes another girl or woman bit
terly conscious of shabby shoes or soiled
gloves, she is no fool; she is a shrewd ob
server of character, able to single out the
worthy from the unworthy, to "size up"
the people with whom she conies in con
tact, and decide on their merits. She never
overlooks the comfort, the tastes, and the
happiness ot others. She remembers their
little likes and dislikes, does-not hurl thein
iuto the arni6 of their dearest enemies, or
leave them sitting isolated in a corner of
her drawing room because she has neglect
ed to introduce them to any one. She al
ways gives others credit for the good they
have done, and if Miss Brown and Miss
Jones have helped her to get lip a success
ful concert or an excellent bazaar, she
never accepts the entire credit vyithout in
cluding them. While specially kind to the
young and the old, to the suffering qnd the
sorrowful, to dependents and those in an
uncertain -or anomalous position she- ~,g
invariably easy and unembarrassed in her
manner, secure of herself and her station,
but devoid of the shadow of patronage. Un
dosirous of showing off, boasting, or ap
pearing in any way to be other 'ban what
he is, transparently truthful though not
*' ' 1—4. il.tr-lUQ
bliint or imprudent, she is always
ijsed as a great lady by those capable ot
hscerning.
—Natural and Unaffected.—
In her naturalness and entire absence cf
ffectation there is nothing rustic, uncouth,
>r ill-bred. She has the polish that comes
rom mixing well, and consequent lack of
idf-consciousnees. -Only high breeding, fa* ■
njliarity with the usages of society, self
iojsc, and education give this ease of man'
ier which never degenerates into boiste- ^
■ousnegs and familiarity, this promptitude
n doing the right thing, and tin's power of
liscriiuiuation. which seem the most oh
nous and natural things in the world to"
he less gifted until lhey try to achieve
similar results, antl find they lack the
tower. A sure sign of the perfect gentle
woman js her way of taking herself, her
station, her house, her beauty, ber ap-!
lointments, her accomplishnients-yll thai'
s hers- for granted, with a simplicity thafi
loes not suffer her to appear impressed]
>y them as if they were not rightly hers, oc,
is if, being unused to such things, she..
bought them marvellous. Thoutii wonder
ind admiration are accorded her,
t is not because she claims
hem or "fishes" for them. To the
deal gentlewoman—wlio fortunately ex
srs here and there, and is worth seek*
ng—all her surroundings and capacities are
;s natural as the air she breathes, and she
10 more exults over those who have them
lot than she grovels before others more
■ichly endowed in any way than hoieclf.
?he gives a frank admiration to what iS'
vorthy wherever she finds it, hut takes
10 special credit to herself for being above
nediocrity; she is, indeed, unconscious of
t, since all the women of her race are
is she. Good blotid tells. She is stanch
n adversity, turns a brave faoe to the
vorld, and if reverses overtake her she
neets litem courageously without repining,
>r without pointing ouf to the world
ange that she has been accustomed to moVe
n a higher sphere. If, on the other harid,
ier worldly circumstances have always Been
uodest, she is in no way ashamed of tlfem,
ind receives a guest as graciously, ana
iweetly, and unpretendingly in her humble
jottage as she would have done in a palaee."
Jie vice of apologizing is not hers. Always
lerself. always true to what is highest and*
loblest, externals do not affect her, and
u poverty, as in riches, she remains, the
derfl gentlewoman.
$