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WE HUMOURIST.
^ETITICIAL INFAMTS.
(FROM THE NEW TOBKTUKS.)
f."VPiier in a European railway. car
T miSitthe object of his life to swure
^ ' ^mnartment to himself, if possi
riage
an
fntire compartment to himselt, I
?!* It is strange that railway travel «.«««
ble- lt;o18t,,i(. form of selfishness in men who
dCVeJr°i na ly Sroufl and courteous Why,
ffpxaSe, should an English curate, who
forexanip . in tobacco,, and who
Pevernlifeof the most unselfish devotion,
Iwtlke when travelling, to monopolise a
u? ip conil»artment by leaning out of the
!&v and smoking violently, at every
lffl» Such, however, is the painful con
f? .l 'men otherwise entirely unimpeach
Mp and it could be wished that some pro
£'d moralist would discover why "it is that
rSay travel is so remarkably demorolifl
mL method of feloniously keeping travellers
«7nf a railway carriage' is now in use which
can be called thoroughly trustworthy. The
Smbined tobacco and window plan Just
mentioned is, perhaps, as good as any other,
hot it often fails. The invention of an enter
«risine Frenchman announced in a recent
Cnch newspaper seems, however, to meet
«lone-felt want, and it might be introduced
into American sleeping cars and steam-boat
. state-rooms with excellent results.
The invention in question is that of an
artificial infant-b6b£ de voyage, as it is called.
These artificial infanta cannot be distin
iraished'by any ordinary traveller from genuine
infants'and they possess the vast advantage
of being made to cry at any desired moment
without the help of pins or colic.
The artificial infants are divided into
three classes, differing in quality and in
price. Those of the first class are provided
with a voice of the most piercing quality,
which gradually rises in pitch and increases
in volume to a point absolutely insupport
able. One of these infants is warranted to
empty a compartment containing eight
travellers at the very first station at which
the train stops after the infant's voice iias
been turned on. The second class consists
of infants with an intermittent cry of a
peculiarly pathetic character. This cry will
often take effect upon a nervons traveller
more quickly that will the prolonged cry of
holier-priced infants, and as these second
class infants are sold at moderate prices,
they are sure to become very popular. The
third class is a small compressible pocket
infant-a most ingenious piece of mechanism.
It can be-carried in ail ordinary coat pocket,
but when it is taken out and prepared for
action it makes a noise so incessant that no
grown person can possibly sleep within hear
ing of it This style of infant is peculiarly
adapted for Bleeping cars, or for ridding
persons who are staying at an hotel of un
desirable neighbours. It can be carried into
places from which living infants are strictly
debarred, and hence may be useful in circum
stances in which no other variety of arti
ficial infant could be used.
It is evident that any owner of an artificial
infant can obtain all the privacy when travel
is.? that he can desire. Equally, of course,
it is evident that the nee of the artificial in
fant will be a selfish, not to say dishonest,
act It will, however, commend itself to
nearly all travellers, since nearly all travellers
are selfish, and certain of the TCngliwh guests
oiMr. Villard will read of this new invention
with bitter regrets that they were not able to
take artificial infants with them while on
the Northern Pacific excursion.
There is only one thing in the account of
the new invention which casta any doubt
upon it The French newspaper which ad
vertises it speaks of it as an American inven
tion. how it is certain that the artificial in
fant is unknown in this country. This com
pels us to believe either that a Frenchman
can be so modest as to disclaim the credit of
a valuable invention made by him, or that no
such invention as the one in question hm
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