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THEY SAY
That the business ways of a sanctimonious
land agent are not in keeping with
his much-advertised piety.
That the difference he cops between the
sellers' and the buyers' price is often 60 per
cent. !
That he recently received an offer of £150
for an acreage at North Perth.
That he wired to the owner in Melbourne
and told him he had an offer of £60 !
That this is one job among hundreds
worked by this shuffiesome saint.
That the mail steamer wharf was last
week the scene of a coincidental contre-
temps.
That a fairly young and well-off Fremantle
couple had grown exceedingly tired of each
other's caresses.
That each secretly arranged to clear out
for a trip with an illicit love.
That each brace of guilty birdlets arranged
to do a canoodle to Colombo.
That the quartette of elopers met under
assumed names on the gangway !
That "Mundaring's Romeo" repudiates
the libel that he inserted the wanted-a-wife
ad.
That five golden virgins who replied to
his plea are seeking the stout man's scalp.
That "Business" has not yet dared to
claim his correspondence.
That in consequence of the fiasco the
shekeled spinsters are taking legal advice
from Lyon Weiss.
That the warning printed by this paper
anent the guns from the East has borne
fruit.
That punters who took the tip saved
themselves from a nothing-to-all bet.
That the crooks who were herein pilloried
took the knock as predicted.
That the small sports who trusted them
were as flat as they were financial
That the attempt to lure a straight-writ-
ing scribe to a hocussing hovel was spoiled
by a warning tip.
That speech is silvern and silence golden
is the case of a toney Highgate Hill board-
ing house.
That the consideration of having a lucre-
spending lodger incites the hashery to wink
at his wickedness.
That the burly barrister is therefore al-
lowed to "entertain his friends" in his
swagger suite.
That an assay of the reception tailings
shows the preponderance of hairpins and
dead marines.
That the Hospital Saturday people have
no love for a White Australia.
That the job of making the collection-
boxes has been given out to Chows.
That the saintly sweaters might fitly rope
the Asiatics in to ask for alms.
That Clarth's great Greenbushes water
scheme is at last partially floated.
That the promoter has so far succeeded
in suppressing his joy.
That the explanation is that the late rains
have partly submerged the plant.
That the crestfallen Clarth has lit out for
the lout who built it to summer levels.
That the municipal mugwumps' rejection
of James's jaunt was a heroic adherence to
perinciple.
That the one-eyed aldermen might apply
the same reasoning to their annual blather.
That the self-same sentiment would stand
for those who sojourned to "'Sunnyside.''
That the robbing out of Trewartha is a
biff in the eye for his West champion.
That the jerked-out jock has no firmer
admirer than Hackett's stodgy scribbler.
That the turf is a gainer by the rusti-
cating of the mischievous mannikin.
That Doctah Ass—tles has hautily re-
signed his billet on the hospital staff.
That the misogynistic medico disdainfully
declines to associate with a skirted saw-
bones.
That the wooden-headed old wowser is
regarded as a martyr by other girl-hating
Galens.
That "Dr." Hackett's frill was one of the
glories of the square-and-compass corro-
boree.
That the learned leader-writer got round
in ells of linen and yards of lace.
That his dexterous manipulation of the
apron suggested erstwhile experience of
washing-up.
That a crew of insulting cads ran riot in
the theatre on Thursday night.
That the insufferable hogs black guarded
men playgoers and openly insulted helpless
women.
That cads like Jamieson, Rich and
Robertson are unfit for admission to a low-
down café chantant.
That a party of picnickers stirred Can-
nington out of its accustomed sanctity last
Sabbath.
That the sophisticated locals have not yet
recovered from the shock of their violent
orgies.
That a lushed-up couple strayed out to
the bush and refused to leave their lair.
That violent hands were laid on "Don"
and his donah to secure their return town-
ward.
That the Nooze announcement was a bolt
from the blue to the Courier staff.
That the emptied-out inkslingers were
looking out for a quiet life.
That the outcome of the business will be
a monopoly for the William-street wind-
bag.
That a Port publican is well in the run-
ning for the mean-man biscuit.
That the bloated bung is remorselessly
pursuing a page for the price of a broken
glass.
That in default of the page the unfederal
fusil flinger is going to besiege a barmaid.
That a repetition of the Walsh-Thorn
schlenter is threatened to be preparing for
Perth.
That the pugs are alleged to have sounded
the police with a view to using 100oz.
gloves.
That the whole Ambulance Society will
be on hand to assist at the eanguinary scrap.
That the South Fremantle Methodies are
adepts at screwing silver from youngsters.
That at a recent allegedly free show the
kiddies were made to stump up heavily.
That the come-round-and-enjoy-yerselves
invitation proved to be on the bob-a-nob
basis.
That a Perth baggage-agent has taken an
abject ? turn since his phiz appeared
in the TIMES.
That, while reflecting on his fatal beauty
he flopped down into the Swan.
Guessing competitions in connection with
the land sales are the order of the day.
Following the example of the Gosnell Estate
people, J. S. Duffy announces a competition
apropos of the Swan View Estate, which is
warranted to tax the ingenuity of the best
puzzle expert in the community. The
prize is a 6-acre farm, and the man who
wins it will have deserved it. Here is
another chance for Minister Hopkins to
immortalise himself. His abilities this way
don't surely stop at Mundijong porkers.
Next Saturday at the Rose and Crown
Grounds, Guildford, a 100 yards' handicap
of 15 sovs. will be run. Entries close on
Thursday. It is to be hoped that this han-
dicap will be more successful than that
which took place yesterday week.
They say that ladies ought to read the
coupon on page 6, and take advantage of
the offer made by the well-known English
Toilet Requisite Company, the Koko
Maricopas Company. Ltd., proprietors of
the celebrated Koko for the hair.
To "Wager," a querist re cribbage—The
answer is "No."
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