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Batitillfalstongn« tu on, An wlthit evenuttogoUnk Set all m en's oanupoa the not Hbdibba*. X.i Sivroni is in Adelaide, to open with Sheridan. A Ms. ' Mtjloaht,' eleoted to Queens* land legislature, starts his career by assaulting somebody, Fined & and costs. Any relation P

A pioTBBB by Miss Elsie Napier, daughter of C. Napier Bell, has teen accepted for this year's Salon, in Paris. The young artist's picture was one of 160 ohosen out of some 8000. AN EPITAPS. Hebe lies (at fast) Matilda Spratt. . There's just one fact to urge in The dame's defence 1 she lived a oat, But died a, virgin I — B.B, T*o literary UonB have died this week Bir Walter Besant, a writer of popular novels of no great literary value 1 and Bobert Buchanan, poet and noTelist, one of the brightest and brainiest literary workers of his day. Buchanan was the son of a very ardent Christian, but he himself speedily drifted from the old moorings, and was a stalwart agoostio during all his maturer days. The '-jueen' ii the Queen of Soaps.* Gmr.: William 8orelL aged 63. The old man was grandson of the old-time V.D.L. Governor Sorell, and was intel lectually above the average. But be was unfortunate in his preferences, and the greater part of his life was spent unprofitable. His death removes ano ther typical figure from this rapidly changing Hobart, A paib of honeymoon doves arriving in Melbourne while York was there, found acoomodation so scarce that they accepted a bed made up in a small room which they failed to recognise as the hotel bathroom, During the night the bride pulled the bath string, which, dangled overhead and a soream an nounced to the boarders that dreadful things had happened. The trial of Louis Henn (of Hobart Tbibune fame), at Beaconsfield last week, for alleged embezzlement and a lot of other things, from the expansive chest of the Tasmania Gr.M. Co., has advanced one short stage, and was resumed on Thursday hist. Mr. M. J. Clarke (Clarke and Croft) is fighting hard for Henn and his chickens, and it was most significant at the first hearing of the case last week, how the crowd applauded every little turn in Henn'e favor. Allow me to introduce jpu to 'Queen Soap.' Sold everywhere.* At tame of writing, the Mbbodb^b pitiful 'National Monument Fund,' six months old, has reached the magnificent total of 1834 shillings— £91 14s. I The persistence of the Davies organ, in the ace of this public snub, is wonderful. The latest dodge is an attempt to whip life into this very dead hori-e by means of apparently faked ' letters to the editor.' Meanwhile, of course, the whole state is brought under the ridicule of outsiders, who insiet on taking our sturdy determi nation not to assist the greasy ambitions of these curious Davieses for stinginess and lack of 'patriotio' feeling. Ifs very hard, A oobbebpondbnt writes from Camp bell Town— ' To him that hath eball be given.' This applies well to an appointment made op in the Midlands, where a chemist doing a good business hae lately been made Oonnoil Clerk at a salary of £150 per annum. Be aides thie he has £B6 per annum aa clerk to the Boad Trust — and other nioe little pickings; £80 per annum ae eeorerary to the Agricultural and Pastoral Aesooiation ; and sundry email emoluments from the Board of Advioe, Water Truet, etc. All this to the exclusion of 82 other candidates for the position of Oonnoil Clerk, some of them with testimonials a yard long, starving lawyers, et hoc genni omnes. How ever, tn« health of the Oonnoil should be assured with a doctor as Warden and a ohemutan Oonnoil Clerk. Their presence should aot a» a corrective to the insanitary oondition of the dog kennel known as the Gonnoil Chambers. Rev. W. H. Mubrat, a young mis sionary who left England some time ago with seven or eight pounds of the Word under his arm and a lot of Chri-tianising enthusiasm with which he intended to light up the dark places of New Guinea, finds the charge of the little Anglican Church at Cressy more oongenial to his tastes, and has decided to make Tas mania his home for the future. He gave someoF V (missionary experiences at St. JoWs (L.) on Sunday last, and said the climate of New Guinea was perfect, 'only it was full of malaria and ague.' Which same remark recalls the reply of an old philosopher who, when asked how he was, said, ' Oh, beyond the gout and a touch of lumbago and sciatica,, and th'nt distressing asthma, 'I'm feeling grand, thank you.' ' G. Keeb add Son believe in keeping the mill going, and with this end in view, and alfio to increase the volume of trade consequent on the visit of royalty to Hobart, bto now holding an extra ordinary cheap sale. Up to the present the business done has been moBt satis f ctory, and this week special induoe rrent are again held out to buyers. Working men and their wives who have always supported this establishment are heartily welcome * Dubins the recent Tork splurge in Melbourne, a Tasmanian enjoyed a big night, ending in oblivion. He didn't even remember the curtain leotnre de livered by his energetic spouse when he returned home. Upon waking after hie heavy sleep he desired to see how he looked and if he darad face the opinions of th« respeotahle world hb ruprnsented at the hotel dinnnr tible. He reached for his wife's coeval glass and pioked an the hair brush instead. . 'Good Lord,' he ejaculated, ' I do want a shave 1' 1 -^ .

Mb. W. A, BmoKAiL, late Oonnoil Jlerk at Longford, has been appointed 'olice Clerk at QueenBtown. He has been granted a months' holiday on full pay, prior to his retirement. Spitefui, advertisement in a recant ydney paper: .'Here lies Elizabeth Tucker, who died a virgin. For no one would marry her,' Hrpooitisvis the main feature of the Aot under whtoh Tattersall Adams ope rates his big gamble in Tasmania. To wit, the lottery is legalised by Aot or Parliament, but no paper dare Advertise the big. ?weeps, On the other hand, Adams may advertise in a circumspect manner in the states whioh hare kioked him out, Thb automobile just built at Paris for ing Edward is » nine horse power steam phsjton, light and elegant, and capable, should Hib Majesty be in a hurry, of getting over the ground at the rateof fifty milesan hour. It is the finest 'votture do luxe 'ever constructed. The motion of the oar is smoother than that of an electric vehicle. It is almost noiseless and odourless, and there is an absenoe of vibration. Decision of the Celebrations Exeou tive Committee' On the arrival of His Highness the Doke in the Domain, on Wednesday, July 8, 1000 pigeone will be liberated from where the Soldiers' Memorial will be plaoed. If possible, arrangement* will be made for Hie Royal fliffboeu to drive the first pile in oonneotion with the new pier. If this oan -e arranged the new structure will be known ai Duke Pier. Ah-yah! The Gladstone family propose to erect a memorial of the great commoner at Hanarden (England). It will take the form of a recumbent efflgy of Mr. and Mrs. Gladstone, and will be plaoed in the organ loft, which is w be enlarged, of the Hawarden Church. An Alexandra (N.Z.) Chow, Kim Tow, was caught by Robert sly grog selling. Hid customer had bought a couple of boxes of sardines and two Bmall bottles ef porter. The slithery John pleaded the old gag that he was selling the fish and give customer him belly nioee man a dlink. As the police had under a search warrant discovered 4A large bottles of porter, sundry brandies, whiskies, etc., be entire trade was confiscated, and Kim Yow had to find a X10-note, or go to gaol for a fortnight. The ways of the parson militant are strange, and not always palatable to souls less spiritual. Thus at last Mon day's anti-Tattersall meeting, one Worrall, Methodist parson, having grossly and repeatedly insulted a section of his audience, yelled: ''If any man who is making a noise down at that end of the hall will come up here and repeat a single sentence of Shakspeare, 111 give him half a orown.' Two fresh young fellows immediately mounted the plat form. They were kept on the platform during the whole evening j but they were not allowed to recite, and they did not get their half-crowns. One of the young fellows probably knew at least ten times as much of Shakspeare as did Worrall aforesaid. Comment is needless. Kino O'Mallet takes personal morality very seriously, so when Knoz (emperor of the Viotorian Yellow Pup) proposed to open the daily business of the Federal Parliament with prayer, the O'Malley protested that only a parson, adequately paid, could be trusted to take on the job in a reverential way. He reminded members that the chair might at some future time be filled by such another naughty Speaker as of old time introduced the maoe to thp habitations of the lillies of Solomon, where the gilded stick degenerated into the laugh ing-stock of naughty Melbourne. O'Malley ' hoped the House would not allow itself to become another part of the great system of hypocrisy that pre vailed throughout the world.' None could do the prayer better than the King himself. His statuesque pose, hands raised in prayer, shaggy locks floating on the waves of his own enthu Biasm, and eyes turned heavenwards— the heavens would move as he pro nounced, ' brothers, let us pray.' The 'iQ.ueen' is the Queen of Soans.*

Another bit of Johnny come march- ing home from the war on Wednesday. There were really 35 bits in all, and some of them very big bits, too. They represented all that remains of the first bushmen, whom Captain Riggall took into the fighting line after landing at Biera over 12 months ago. The day being fine, and all business closed for the usual half holiday, there was a very large muster of people to welcome the return of the swaddies. As Captain Riggall returned home invalided last Easter, Lieutenant Boyes brought back the contingent, all of whom looked as brown and hard as a Dutch loaf, and quite bore out the remark of their superior officer, who, at the Launceston reception in the afternoon, said they had had "a splendid time in South Africa."   Though many people thronged the streets to see the bushies with "kangaroo feathers" in their hats pass, no one felt   warm enough to raise a cheer. From

several top windows a towel and a colored garment or two were waved, but beyond that the procession was of a rather solemn aspect. In the evening a smoke and beer social was held, and a splendid time was had with songs, recitations, band items, broken crockery, and dented furniture. Ditto Hobart. The 'State' Soap is ' Magic.'* Westralia is being inundated by Italian and Austrian hordes. Every mailboat is dumping down its quota of the cheap labor trash, and therefore the Federal Labor men must concert some plan to stop these most undesirable emi- grants. Simplest sewing machines mad —Wheeler and Wilson. On easy payments, Briaenead Piano Show-roomi, Hobart*

In May, 8283 per oent. of the total deaths in Tasmania, took place in public institutions. 'Ihere are comparatively few public institutions in Tasmania, and the percentage therefore appears to be uncomfortably high. Sbboeant Punb, of the police, got into confliot with a very violent crowd of flshpoachora at Sandy Bay one night this week. The men assaulted the policeman with a long pole from the boat, and threatened to fire on him { but they got away unrecognised in the end, and the pluoky sergeant managed to capture a part of their nets and gear. It's a thou sand pities the men were not caught. The fisheries regulations— excepting the mad regulation protecting the plentiful scallop— are neoessary, and for the public good. But the Clifpee is not now rail ing against the sin of poaching, which is not a desperate offence. It objeots to the action of those fellows in assaulting a police officer in the execution of his duty, and threatening greater violence. That sort of thing must be put down at all costs. Allow me to introdaoe you to 'Queen Soap.' Sold everywhere.* Tats is how we do things in Tasmania,. A day or two ago the Premier of West Australia notified Premier Lewis that the prohibition against the importation of Tasmanian fruit to the West was to be removed. On this, he asked that fruit sent should be properly inspected and certified as clean. To this Mr. Lewis replied that there was no system of Government inspection in Tasmania, but fruit offered voluntarily for treatment should be treated with hydrocyanic gas, . and he marked on the case with a Go vernment brand. Fruit not so marked would be sent at exporters' risk. Now if this satisfies the people at the other end, Westralia is very easily satisfied. If Lewis had had the interests of the fruit industry really at heart he would have replied that a proper system of in spection should be devised as speedily as possible. The effect of such a system would be to rid the Westralians of all anxiety, and to spur our own growers to renewed efforts at keeping their orchards clean. But Lewis is deadly fond of shilly-shallying and half measures. Simplest eewing machines made— Wheeler and Wilson. On easy payments. Brinjmead Piano Show-rooms, Hobart.,

Townsville (Q.) is following the good example of the London County Council and initiating munioipal socialism A big fire some years ago burnt out a whole block in the heart of the northern metropolis. Where there were previously only a few miserably squalid hovels, the local council has now erected the finest set of munioipal buildings in this State. At present rate of going the income from those buildings— pub., theatre offices, etc.— is .£200 a month. It is estimated that the Council will net, outside all expenses, about JE1200 a year on the experiment — and the buildings are only partially completed. The 'State ' Soap ia 'Magic.'* A feivatk in the Guards, named Tohnson, met a friend in Capetown whom he hal known in London years before. The friendship became very ripe during the three weeks whioh the troops waited before Lord Methuen's advance. At last the troops were under orders. Johnson went to hie friend, who was a tailor, and requested him to sew a piece of steel in his khaki tunic over the heart. The tailor agreed to do this, so Johnson left his tuoic. He called for it next day, and received it from hib friend's assistant. He examined it when he reaohed his quarters, and found that instead of sewing the steel in the tunio over the place where his heart would be, the facetious tailor had ee«-n it in the bank of his tunio almost at the tail end. Johnson had no time in which ta have it altered, so joined his regiment. The division under Lord Methuen began their advance early the next morning. Johnson was engaged at the Battle of

Belmont, towards the end of whioh he suddenly found himself in a tight plaoe. Some two dozen Boers appeared just in front of the few men whom Johnson was with. They opened fire, and Johnson's five or six comrades quickly fell. Find ing himself alone, and the Boers' fire becoming hotter, the soldier performed a right-about movement, and gave him

self marching orders. Needless to s«y, the march took the form of a helter pkelter run. Johnson had gone about iO yards when be felt an awful bang at his back. He dodged round a small kopje, and started to investigate. He took off his coat for that purpose, and found a Mauser bullet firmly fixed against the pteoe of steel. ' God bless that tailor 1 he knew better than I did where my heart lay,' was the astonished Guardsman's ejaculation.

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