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Cuirent. Notes.

{by 'lareois,')

Mr and Mrs Cassidy attended church lately, at least both reached the gate, when Cassidy suddenly remembered that he had an important appoint ment, and retired to the nearest nub., where "his business detained him until .it; hid only sufficient time to rush out and pick up the text.* Cassidy. were ye at ..hnr°h?' asked his good wife. fI was/ boldly replied Cassidy. 'And what wss the text?* asked Mrs Cassidy {suspiciously.; 'Woine is a mocker, sthrong 'dr-iink is. a rager,' replied the unblushing one. 'Cassidy.. you're the iu-^cy mahn to be privileged to hear such a discoorse. May it do yez good.' "Amin/ said Cassidy.

* * *

At a recent series of religious revival meetings, father lax worshippera have turned up with surprising regularity. One of thom was recently asked hy a friend if i*.e was not tired of. such a number o? sermons. 'I am,' replied the pietist, 'but, giony be to Heaven, 4#

won't happen again for five years.'

. * - * *

'Hansard is probably the most bewil dering pu>Jlication money is wasted on. Mr Glafisey and Mr Stewart both vig orously oppose- Jfche Callide Creek Syn dicate line, but on entirely different gro*inds. Mr Olassey asserts that the line -will enable the syndicate to land coal itt Gladstone at a price that will rufst the already down-trodden colliers

ofthe Surrum and Ipswich;. while Mr , StewaH. says that the syndicate can't land coal at Gladstone to compete with Ipswich and the Burr urn, and it Is therefore mere waste of money to spend

it on such a useless" line. Which ? these authorities is right ?

* ..

Victorian legislators quarrel as well,

and just as often as our own. In the * latest one statesman called another a fool, void accused him of spending !two years of time and a lot of hard cash in trying to make a frog do a bit of high kicking, to which the frog export

retorted by asserting that if he had . spent his. time and money In scientific J

res^aieh, be at least would not have

clapped his monther-in-law into a Ben- ^ evolent Asylum, and refused to pay for . her board and lodging:. If the row did , nothing else it clearly indicated the

solution pf that long vexed conundrum , 'What to do with our mothers-in-law- , Richard Seddon is, without a doubt, the

Napoleon of the South Seas» Inspired ., no doubt by Great Britain annexing the . Transvaal and Russia collaring Man

rhuria. he is annexing the Isles of the , Pacific; and would have gathered in ' Tasmania had noit that island come , fift as an original state. To the absorp- - tion of Fiji New South Wales is object- j ing on the grounds that Sydney does ] all the Fiji trade, New Zealand's busi- j 'ness, with the islands being confined ] to a few barrels of rum and still fewer ^ Mormon missionaries. Still Seddon j Holds 4th3 stronger hand, and is likely « to wM. A,Fijisn in the New Zealand « House of Representatives should make ] a dccent member, if he ;takes h|s ances- i tral war ctuh with him--and uses it. «

* * * i The Tasmanian Premier appears to j have lost his hat pr his head. His i projected wire to Her ' Majesty, and , a let of ether persons, congratulating j them on a number of curious things, and urging the British electors to vote

for the Conservative Codlin, and not «] fcr the Lateral Short, was however, J too strong for even Australian pof itoeal t

Mitt it '$nptalci- c

. - 5^

ous.' ^'impolitic,' etc.; not one appeal's to have said that it was foolish and ImpudentA Tasmanian log-roller (not chopper), who approaches the Throne and Joe Chamberiain with congratulations, and gives the British people solemn advice as to how they should condufct their electoral cam paign, is a spectacle we shall never Bee again. The Diamond Jubilee is not in it with him.

* # *

Are our first families losing stamina? Are the descendants of those great warriors who fought at Agincourt, at

the sign df the 'Goat in Boots,5 and other great fields, losing what *0|E sider' would call 'staying powers?' There is evidence to show that such deterioration is going on. Our Gover nor. who can trace his ancestry back to the stone tomahawk period, recent ly paid Cloncurry a visit, and receiv ed a splendid reception. In its report of the banquet, which was a splendid success, the local paper says :-'His Excellency retired before midnight ; huf the rest of the company remained, and made things hum itill daylight.' When the ordinary variety of. Clon curry bushwhacker can beat a Lord by six hours, it ise evident our 'old nobil ity' are losing form.

* » *

The Rdv.: George Gladstone, of Na thalia, Victoria,, who denounces every thing and everybody, except George Gladstone, has solemnly cursed, froiu hts little pulpit, Fenians, Oddfellows, Rechabites and other secret societies; asserting that the 'mark of the beast' (etari<ffently an unregistered brand) is on them. He proved from Revelations that the M.U.I.O.O.F. is the beasi with several surplus eyes, horns and tails mentioned therein; and pointed out from Corinthians the awful fate that would overtake anyone whtt hurts himself chopping the family firewood, and draws sick pay from a lodge. This controversy is too serious for me to df-al with; I leave it with confidence in the hands of my temperance friends,

and the 432 Past Noble Grands we have on this field.

* * *

It is not often I tender advice evesi to an Alderman; but in ihe.3 days of re stricted endowments any information that* will lead to increased economy should be gladly welcomed. I there fore respectfully submit the following extract from the monthly report of a Victorian Inspector of NuiS&nees:-eA

stray dog that had died at the corner of Jones and Thompson Streets has bean, removed and buried--cost, a shill ing.' When the funeral even of a stray 3og only, costs a bob, municipal under taking appears to have ^reached bod rock. Had that dog posses sed enough horse sense to have come to Charters Towers and pegged out at the corner of Gill and Mosman Streets, he would not have had such a 'ralttle his bones over the stones; !as is only a stray dog-that nobody iwns' sort of funeral. No, he» would fiave lain in state (in the gutter) for .wenty-four hours, and children com ing home from school would have view ed the body With revertnee. The* In spector would then font In his line work, ffe would, inform the Mayort who would ?ive an order for the burial of the de ceased, who would be reverently lifted into a vehicle, and fiftally deposited in the fin«sr cemctery we have-the Park Cost of the interring arrangements £1 i/61. On two or threte points the Vic torian system appears to hfjve the ad vantage.

m '-it . 4 - ? -

Hie Labor people In Parliament have >eea outraged beyfrad description by lie were

assertion hail no foundation ifl fact, efecli Lal>oi* jnembar to show his earn

est desire *to pusb. oa public business, got on hif? Ie??s, and talked for hours, until the police came in and locked up tli? rsfi'eihilaciil i*oo:n, and told Hon members to go home and drink, and jaw no more. If the closure is not soon supplied it will ta*ke a regiment of Federal troops to close this blather skiting session.

* # *

There is a least one Turk who has dis played Occidental adaptability. For some years past the Sultan has had temporary fits of loss of memory, and during these unhappy intervals he for gets to 5>ay his Ambassadors. They have stood this nobly, but one has at last revolted and resigned- This in dependent individual^ . Hadji Ibrahim Selim Pasha, finding to his 'alarm that he was losing flesh at an alarming rate, decided to abandon diplomacy for a confectionery business, and is now do ing a roaring trade vending Turkey luxuries. While fully recognising the fact that it is an Ambassador's duty to lie and fib abroad for the benefit of his country, Ibrahim positively declines to lie and starve at the same time. Hence the change from an Embassy to a sweet


# * ?

To a Northern town lately a distin guished public person paid a visit, and a banquet was at once decided upon. The tender from the caterer was a guinea a nob. exclusive of drinks, and, as nothing cheaper <*e* 1-7 be bad, aa i As all had a merry time, the township since the settling up has been stone broke. They manage these things much cheaper, if net better, in New South Wales. In a Western town ship in that State, a bridge was to be opened, and four members ci Parlia ment had promised to attend the cere mony. The Reception Committee, find ing the local caterers had formed a ring and demanded the preposterous sum of 2/- per head, determined to run tbe spread themselves, and invited donations of eatables and drinkables. An opulent butcher donated a sucking pig, and aged roosters, potatoes, shins of beef and other delicacies in season rolled in in such profusion that the secretary of the Committee in present ing his balance sheet reported that owing to the generosity of the public the Committer had been able to do the thing well ait a shilling a-head, and: after providing the Parliamentary vis itors- ';<ne of them total abstainers with free drinks, there £~as still a cre dit bala..i':x in haa.4 of 3/\>. which, it recommended, should be retained as a nue't us of a fund to meet future p*»b iic catering ditBi-uities. Town s /ilte's his-' riv M'f.terifjeloTj spread is only a Tvid or rail" c.r second io tIi-3 shove.

# * *

Ingratitude is always a te* ore trial, b'it nobody recognises v;lyat a really hitter thing it is *o bpur until his pay gete info arrears o-m s'opped. The four hundred exiles from Erin and elsewhere, who have been fighting like 'trumps all the day long5 for the last itwclve months for their friends the Boers, realise this to the full. After shedding their blood freely for their adopted country, they find themselves fired out with a paltry £4, or at a rate of,abont a hob a week for the cam pa] jrn. It is not to be wondered at that it was found necessary to lock the four hundred up to present them smashing things. It is safe to predict that in future when they go out on the fight they will insist on payment in advance.

? * * .

&gain m fcaVe 85ft a 'tfwtu&teMgfc*

debate, with Dawson in full blast at the head of the procession. Our senior member, while not very able to deny 'Hansard,' asserted that he had been 'misinterpreted.' This, of course, means that when Dawson calls any7 one a cur or a scoundrel, or a fat

man he really meang that he is as brave as a lion, as honest as-aay Daw son-or one of the lean Idne. After all it is cheerful to notice that our senior member has no 'murderous ideas/ and thF.t he .has the most unbounded admiration for our soldiers. For the future, however, when he wants to make a patriotic speech, the Govern ment should provide him with, a phonograph.

* * *

Mr Foxton is evidently very anxious to prove that he is not a horsey mail,

and knows nothing whatever about . jockeys, trainers, owners or anybody else connected with the turf. He has asserted in Parliament that he 'knows nothing about the jockey Smith.' Soon he will announce that lie has never heard about the trainer JoneB, or of the owner Robinson, and knows as much of the bookie Ikey Lazarus as he does about the Dowager Em press of China. Quite so, but nobody ever suspected Mr Faxton of frequent ing racecourses.* He, however, would satisfy public curiosity if he stated what is his favorite game. A man may know nothing about the turf, and yet he a,past masternap or solo whist. What, Mr Foxton, is your particular 'wanity' ?

The flashlight photograph of the members of "the Legislative Council, when after passing the Building. Bill through its second reading they found it was not the Building Bill at all, but was a Bill for the Better Regula tion of Spielers-should be hung in the National Museum. If mis taken identity can be carried as far as this, no citizen is safe. The public might imagine that a Health Bill was going through,, only to find out that it was really a meas ure -to compel every elector to abstain from Sunday football, fishing, and fuddling, and donate £5 per annum to a church. It is a grave situation, and should receive the Immediate at tention of the Premier-and Lesina.

? ? *

Now that the Labor members are al most to a man weeping over the woes of the returned South African warriors. Mr Lesiaa has reminded his mates and others that the 'Soldiers of Industry* should not be neglected in favor of the Soldiers of the Queen. Mr.Lesina evi dently thinks soldiering is a kind of aown-the-bay-Lueinda trip; and that the work of marching long distances in Sad boots, with a heavy load, and often hungry, is not labor. If Mr Le~ sins had his choice of a campaign and chopping cordwood, he would start right in and buy an axe. 'Soldiers of Industry' appear to Lesina to oe con fined to supporters of his party.

Sir William t«yne proposes to liuild a rftagnifieeiit and costly road round a

rmrtion of Sydney Harbour, as one of -

the mementoes of the landing of the ~ 'irst Governor-General. This proposal wil be stoutly opposed by the country [tarty, who will want to know why this ?reat work should be carried out while Lhe bridges over Wild Duck and TTing Parrot Creek were unsafe, and the roads in their vicinity unpassable. The country party will be right for once. 4ny big road or park in Sydney only means the increase of the genus 'doa *er% while the same "monejr expended In the country would enable'1 the resi dents to attend the neighbouring rac

meetings with safety, if not with easeu

S*3l joad shotCRl fce held oVe* m