Lists (None yet)

Login to create lists

Tagged (None yet)

Add Tags

Comments (None yet)

Add New Comment

No corrections yet

Botts antflommfflts

A member of the British Govern- ment stated on February 24 that prac- tically no wheat had arrived from Aus- tralia for FIVE MONTHS. Bead this in conjunction with Haig"s "We are fighting against overwhelming odds,"

and then blush for the fu-condi<ioned gang who stumped Australia in De- cember with the holiow cry, "Send wheat Instead of men." Their troubles about the lack of shipping:

. . .

Thus the ""West" quoting sloppily from Henry V.:

This day is called the feast of

Crispin ...

And rouse him at the name of

Crispin . . .

And say to-morrow is Saint Crispin. But not even Shakespeare'could make a decent blank verse line of nine syl- lables. Three dropped penultimate a's: three jangling discords.

. » .

"Should also any change occur in your circumstances which would en- title your case to be treated as other than a one-child case, immediate con- sideration will be given to it on the in- formation being supplied." Test of a blundering communication addressed by the committee of the Patriotic Fund to scores of soldiers* wives whose husbands have been at the front three years and more. It's just the sort of foolish thing the Patriotic Fund blokes WOULD say.

. . .

"That this conference, meeiinff at a time of unparalleled emergency, re- solves to make all possible efforts to avert defeat at the hands of German militarism." If the Governor-General had foreseen that this was the strongest general resolution his re- cruiting conference, composed of men of all parties, would consent to carry unanimously, he might have thought twice before calling it. "All possible efforts to avert defeat."' The pusil- lanimity of it!

. . . «

The gifted editor of "Sparks" claims that his . modest periodical;- is "the cleanest, the most fearless, and the most reconstructive" penn'orth o' snips offered to the enlightened read- ing public of the State. And, tor all we know to the contrary, the exhilar- ating production may" be as clean as a railway time-table and fearless as a frog's croak. But what is the precise significance attached to "reconstruc- tive?" Does it mean Hiting stun" from remote sources and garbing it lo make it look original-or what?

. . .

A young woman employed by a firm of dentists called Braham Brothers was fined the other day for boring boles in a soldier's teeth, not being licensed to conduct boring operations. Thc case was reported in thc "West Australian," but not in the "Daily Ooze" Why?.The incident took place in February, but the hearing didn't come on for two months. Again whs*? If the offence, was committed it was committed with -thc sanction of Bra- ham Brothers, but Braham Brothers were not prosecuted. Once again, why? The ways of the Dental Board are mysterious indeed.

. . .

S.: Apropos the German aeroplane scare in Victoria, the last mysterious rumor of Ulis kind I remember was at Kalgoorlie in- 1999. ? Flying machines were very new inventions at that date, and H. G. Wella had scarcely written his "WSir in the Air:" but some credu- lous people would have it they were Jap. aeroplanes. In a desperate hunt for the source-of-the rumors, I finally ran down a -bread deliverer and a sanitarian, who -both operated in the a.m. hours, and -who told dark stories of a mysterious celestial visitant that had passed over Hannan-strect, like

some enormous bird with lights on j each side. I never made up my mind ; for certain whether it was a comet that had got off the track and eluded -the astronomers or a bandersnatch begotten of Mount-Robinson -whisky. Bul the yarn had a wide currency for quite three days.

Sanderson on Colebatch: "He never 6ecms to lose an opportunity of gird- ing at the Labor Party: like the late Marquis of Salisbury, he is a great master of flouts and jibes." Whereas Sandy himself:, one gathers, is merely hostile with cold politeness-"be can- not subscribe to the nostrums of the Labor Party, Official or Nationalist-" But then he isn't a Minister, dragged into controversies with blokes like Clementson about once a fortnight.

Lest, however, anyone should imagine 1 there isn't a flout or a jeer in the philo- sophical composition of the "King of Kalamunda," hear Wm on the Country Party: "He did not quarrel so much with their origin, or their planks, as with their deplorably inefficient repre-

sentation in Parliament." Some rasp- j lng, that, for a gentleman who dla-.I approves so profoundly of jibing and 'j girding-when other Ups are engaged therein. . '

' . * . . .. ! From the "Worst" and the "Dally i Ooze": "Thc Australian casualties in j the whole of the live divisions during the recent offensive were smaller than

those of the fifth division's casualties j

I at Fleurbaix in July, 1917." How little i

j these alleged newspapers know of the

deeds of their -own soldiers! Fleur- baix was fought on July 19. 1916. It was a splendid failure, for, although thc Fifth Division took the first line of German trenches on a front of two miles and hung on under heavy fire, they had to return to' their own lines. After the fight the Germans stated that they took 4SI prisoners, and that they had counted 2000 dead bodies in front of their lines. On that basis the casualties numbered 9000. One of those who fought at Fleurbaix was Colonel Pope. But in a recent account of tlie colonel's war services the "West Australian" never once men- tioned it.

S.: An English medical man of wide repute has elaborated & theory that persistent victims of shell-shock are almost always men who couldn't or wouldn't or didn't play games when they were boys. He goes further; he says if he were allowed to take ten middle-aged civilians, and explode a shell near enough to shock them but not to inflict any outward injury, he would be able to tell immediately which of the ten played games at school and which of them dodged them. The idea is that plenty of vio- lent exercising and bashing galore in the teens are the best preparation not only for physical hardihood later in life but for well-disciplined nerves, too. All of which seems, in a way a sort of elaboration of the alleged Wel iingtonian dictum that Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton, and the sarcastic suggestion, SI years later, that Spion Kop was lost on the ping-pong tables of Sandhurst

I . . .

S.: The collapse of Russia as a fac- tor in the war and her practical de- fection from the Allies' cause no doubt has enormously strengthened the Cen- tral Powers. But. in the end, may it not do somerning to "un-cc-rocnt" them? Russia was the common enemy of all of them, and, failing her, Ger- many. Austria and Turkey can hardly be said to have a common enemy. Germany's principal concern nowadays is with Britain and France and Ame- rica, but Austria's main antagonist, after all, is Italy; with the others she is hardly directly engaged. Turkey is i fighting Britain, and she has lo keep a sharp eye on the composite army at Salonika, but that ls because she bas been dragged into Germany's quarrels. ! Her present enemy aren't her natural

enemies or her hereditary ones, as Russia was. When the war began Russia engaged Austria and Germany simultaneously, and Turkey as soon as she came in, and consequently anti Russianism was a binding and ever present tie between all three. Since Russia was counted out there is not much doubt that Austria has been at least considering the possibility of peace with some of Germany's ene- mies, who are not necessarily hers, and one never knows what Turkey may do. But my point is that, as Jong os Russia remained a fighting force, thc Kaiser and his two mam accom- plices were all necessarily in it up to their necks with one Power at least, so that there could be no drawing out. Whoever else they were fighting, they i were all fighting Russia to a finish. ! Now it's different-to that extent-and

j the fact may have more effect on Ger man-Austrlan-Turkish relations than ia yet realised,

. The crass folly of the Trades Hall negotiators in thc case of the Wynd- ham freezers will cost the country about £20,000 and the prospective em- ployes about ISO jobs, worth from £5 to £10 a week. But what can the workers expect when they employ office boys lo transact their business

for them?

. . .

'lt was a matter for deep regret that thc master spirits of the Country i Party were not in Parliament."-Hon. A. Sanderson, M.L..C. So, ii you should see Tinkler M'Glibun wearing the gratified smile of one who has received a subtle but obvious compliment, you will know what he is thinking about

without asking lum. ]

" . .

The preposterous Commonwealth police force is costing the taxpayers

[ £945/2/2 a month. The force consists j j of 47 John Hops, who have nothing to

do and lots of time to do it in; they ] I earn-no, get-from 12/ to £1/10/ a! i day, wear no uniforms, and have made

no arrests. Up to the end of March the total expenditure on this unspeakable imbecility was £3713, salaries account- ing for £ 32G0 and contingencies for the rest. And all because a bloke with too much beer aboard threw an egg at a little man named Hughes and ju is sed him. When is this criminal lunacy to

cease?

! Thus a defeated Ö.L.P. candidate in

Barossa, S.A.: -

j lie thanked the German electors [ who had voted for him. He was not

ashamed of the vote. He was sorry

I that he was not in the House to

have justice done in regard to the Lutheran churches. Voices: "You ought to he at the front. You haven't got the pluck." The Ger- man support of the Labor Party was evidence of an evolution of thought.

If a Socialist candidate spoke like that in Germany what would happen to him?

. . .

We are told every week how many ships have been mined or submarined, but never the number of ships dam- aged or the nature of the cargo des- troyed. Yet valuable as tonnage is nowadays the cargo is often more valuable than the vessel. Whenever the Germans secure a ship's papers before sending them to the bottom they publish them-perhaps with em- bellishments. "Sometimes," says the "Times," "it is a cargo of foodstuffs, the details of which must make thefr readers' mouths water, but a prefer- ence is shown for the kind of list which purported to describe the cargo of a ship sunk some months ago: 135 field guns, 30 howitzers. 140 ma- chine guns, 120,000 rifles, 50,000 shells, 160,000 -bombs, L500.000 cartridges, 6 armored cars, and ll motor lorries. It must have taken some time to manu- facture that cargo." Time, and money.

. * .

Alliance stocks being rather low, a clergyman named Hammond has been imported from thc East to boost pro- hibition-"war-time prohibition." The "West," in its report of the gentle- man's Perth meeting, says that he re- ferred to "the statement of the Minis- ter for Defence that 10,333 men had gone to Egypt or England, but had re- turned without having fired a shot, at a cost of over a million pounds. There stood out one cause, so big, so indisputable, and so familiar that it was almost beyond the necessity of naming - the alcoholic menace."

Pearce never made that statement. He, couldn't have made it, because it isn't true. The assertion is a crud libel on thousands of decent Australians who have been returned to their bitter dis- satisfaction and through no fault of their own. It is ^t typical wowser tar radiddle.

. . . i Mlles, of Marble Bar, is a man with ¡ ideas. He represents the North Pro-

vince (Uicy returned him unopposed ' the other day), and reckons it's as ] large as Queensland, and would be j every bit as producUve. properly j

handled. "On the Still Stream Sta- tion," say« Miles, reflectively, ' there's a pool two miles long, two hundred yards wide, and slsty-eight feet deep. ' In fact, it's always sixty-eight feet deep. In thc biggest drought they ever had it never went down a Coot. Every day twenty-five million gallons of water flow out of that pool. Con- serve that waler and the other sup- plies available, and you could settle a million people in the locality-1 said a million. In fact, 1 would be prepared to take oxer the North Province my- self and take over the State debt as well, provided you gave me the right to employ indentured labor.'- Nothing

doing.

. . .

The schedule of wages offered by ! the Government to thc gentlemen who wouldn't work under ft-or -weren't al-

lowed by the Trades Hall to work un-

der it-at the Wyndham freezers is calculated to make, the average man uneasily conscious of his ignorance of technical trade terms. How many per 7 sons, for instance, could outline off- hand the respective functions 'of "seamers," "crimpers" and "Jokers" in the matter ot meat-canning? And what, in Heaven's name, is a "podger"? -will the University Professor of English oblige a bewildered commu- nity with the definition and deriva Uon of podger"? . What a fine begin- ning it would be for a Nor*-West ro- mance-"She was the idolised daugh- ter of a wealthy pastoralism whose cattle roamed in counUcss herds the rich plains of the Kimberleys; he was a podger at the Wyndham freezers!" But the most superficial author could hardly daeh into his story that way unless be had some idea of what "podglng" is. Enlighten us, somebody.

The host militar}- stuff printed in England is written hy Repington of the "Morning Post" and the anonym- ous general who contributes the monthly war article to the "Fort- nightly Review." Compared with these men Belioc is not in it, and Blatchford is an "also ran." Writing Sn February, Repington insisted that the British army was short of men. Adequate re- sources existed, but owing to the in-

action of the Prime Minister-"he was gambling for a peace by Christmas," says the critic scornfully, "but is spite of bis innumerable speeches no peace came-they were not availed of. "Amateur strategists, in defiauce of all souhd strategy, have scattered our

forces over the globe, and now that the crisis ls coming in France we shall have to pay for these imbecilities." Í Which shrewd prophecy was penned

six weeks before the blow felL In Repingtbn's opinion, "Haig'e recent statement that his drafts did not reach him in time to be properly trained, and tba}, he had to light 131 German

divisions with half that number, is thc most damning indictment of the War Cabinet that any man could havc made." And the "Fortnightly Review" points the moral, viz., that the Cam- brai reverse was due to the failure of inadequately-trained troops to stand up to thc German veterans.

"It's a great game being Treasurer of this State," said Jimmy Gardiner to a "Daily News" reporter the other day. "A man has got to he content with two hours' sleep out of the twenty-four." The victim of circumstances was smoking a big fat cigar at the time, and never looked healthier in his life. "But you're going East for a trip, aren't you?" asked the unsympathetic scribe, who probably does as much work in a day as Jimmy does in a month, and no cheap holidays either. "Trip?" snorted the Treasurer. "You don't know %vhat you're talking about, my dear fellah, lt I go by steamship I am sick all the time, and if 1 get into a train I cannot sleep. As there will bc 14 days' solid travelling, and probably three days' hard work at the other end, on paper it doesn't seem to me that I will have much of a holi- day." Pore man. He forgets to men- tion that the State foots all bills and pays him 25 ouid a week into the bar- gain. There are thousands of people who work harder than Jimmy for less than half his remuneration, but they don't whine and whimper about their condition like a pampered pup. If the Treasurer doesn't like his job he is welcome to chuck it. The West got along without him before and can do it apain. But there are golden reasons why Jimmy won't chuck it- Thirteen hundred of them.

Zoom

plus
thumb
minus
left
thumb
right
up
thumb
down