Maxim by Meston: It is a cruel thing to punish a man for being à fool.
Answers to correspondents. A kanaki is so called because he is often a eane-hacke.-.
Meston says the Divisional Board going for Douglas is like bringing out a ten-ton gun to shoot a grasshopper.
A dead-house, " dingbats" ward, and the most "competent local architects" are deli- ciously mixed up in our hospital report.
No one now need ba without a watch or a clock. The Irish auctioneer says he int :uds " giving" all his staff away on Saturl-iy night.
"Jubilee" bustles, that play "God Save thc Queen" when you sit down, are adver- tised in England. As if the ordinary every- day bustle was not *' loud" enough !
" A great many people owe their gentle- manly appearance to their clothes," said Di Bois t'u other day ; " but that is all theyaro 1 likely to owe me as my teruisare cash."
1 I One maa uviy steal a horse, while another 1 i inusa't look over the hedge. Gae Divisional '¡Board tuoiub^r may authorise expoadi ! ture, while another mustn't speak to the
Whoa anybody his a youngster who c;"ie3
; for the iaT, all they have to do is to go to'
John And:i:*3 >u's storo, ia Lx*e-3tröat, and
!, buy a Dut J'J clichs ». lt will amuse the child \ and feed the family.
Î Rev. Mr.-: " My dear, I've brought I you this pretty parrot to cheer your hours - when Tam away. He can't talk yet, but we'll f soon teach him; won't.we, pretty Polly?''
Pretty Polly : " Not by a-sight !"
ä He : " Pray, pardon me if I seem a bear ia . my manner." She : " I don't consider you a ? bear. You are more like a sheep-a bear > would hug me, while you do nothing but
" Oh, sleep ! it is a gentle thing.
Beloved from pole to pole."
" Coleridge had evidently been putting up at ' the Crown Hotel when he was inspired to
. write those lines.
Our friend Lawsen, of Messrs. Lawsea and 5 Svendsen, undertakers of this town, being
accosted by one of our staff relative to busi- ness exclaimed : " Things are d- dull this week ; not even half a Chinaman's body to bury." This speaks well for the doctors.
r A Warning.-Cook (on the day after her j arrival from Townsville): " Pleise.mnm, I'm
a bit fiery at times, and when I am fiery I'm \ apt to he a bit rough spoken ; but you needn't ' let that put you about. With a little present
you eau alias bring me round again."
t "Coma in, my poor man," said Rindes » to a dead beat, " and I will get you soaie ? thing to eat." " Thanky, don't care if I do." \ " I suppo:e," continued honest John, " your > lifo has bein full of trials ?" " Yis, bo3 ; an* > the wust of >fc wnz. I allus got convicted."
[ Police Court magistrate: " What trade are
you?" Pat: "Sure now, your honour, I'm ' a sailor." " You in the seafaring line. I
doubt whether you have ever been to sea in [ your life." Pat: " Sure now, and do33 your
honour think I came over trom Ireland in a , wagon ?"
Several substantial five-room"cottages are ) in coarse of erection on Mr. Meston's property i at Kamerunga. The work is in the hands of
Eoddam, the builder, and is proceeding very > rapidly. One bouse commenced only tho i Monday previous was nearly finishcl by last ? Saturday evening.
f Tho potency of the Cairns rum has at last
brought forth fruit, and as a consequence the hospital authorities have been compelled to erect a ward for jiuiVam patients'. We have noticed that the local flu:ds were daily be- coming " balmier and balmier," and this is the result.
" Pa, what i* ' mut t"' "It!««rn ln-ri»ible vapour of the atmosphere; my son." " Do >s ' a man ever turu into a mist?" "Certainly
hot. Who said he could ?" " Nobody did ; [ only I heard ma say the other day fiat you
would never (be mist." That youth now takes Ilia meals at the inantlepiece.
; Wife, on Saturday night, (to her lato hus-
band) : "Where have you been, John?" Husband (conscious that prevarication would he futile) :. «. I'll tell truth rn' dear. I-hie stopped at Shaw's hotel.Kam-hie-b mgera, for a glass bier." Wife (solemnly) : " John, : you never accomplished that load atan hotel. ' You've been to a brewery." .
" How is it none of my contributions are 1 ever used ?" asked a would-be contributor of
the editor. " You must be mistaken. Do
you write on one side of the paper only ?" . "Certainly." "Then it's all right. We write on the blank side. Never be afraid of your contributions not being used." Wo have not heard from that gentleman »ince.
The following »tory is related of Bishop Moorhouse, lately of the diocese of Melbourne, but now Bishop of Manchester. It appears that one evening he was in a dinil/-lighted railway carriage coining down to the metro- polis from Wahgunyah in company with a number of young fellows, who, not recognis ing him in the gloom, were pretty tree in the language they made use of. One however, recognised him when the train ran into a well-lit station, and immediatelv began apologising for their looseners of speech, saying, " 1 hope you will pardon us, my lord, but we arc a lot of country fellows who usu a'ly call a spade a spade." '. Oh, I'll forgive you readily," said his lordship, "but you must pinion my doubting your last state- ment. My own impression is that hid you been speaking of a spade you wou'.d have
called it a -- shovel."