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  2. "SANCTA SIMPLICITAS."

    Child ([?]ausing in front of grandmother, who is on a visit, to consider her carefully): Granny, which side of you is the soft side [?] ...

    Article : 63 words
  3. IF I SHOULD DIE.

    If I should die to-night, And you should come to any cold corpse and say, Weeping and heartsick o'er my lifeless ...

    Article : 132 words
  4. AN ELEPHANTINE TRICK.

    A circus and menagerie had pitched for two or three days on some waste land. [?]ear a rough mining town. The ten-man was making a final round ...

    Article : 381 words
  5. THE WITNESS SOORED.

    During the trial of an accident case against one of the city trolly companies an old lady was summoned as a witness for the plaintiff. The attorney for the ...

    Article : 149 words
  6. HUMOR. THEN ALL THE OTHERS TALK.

    "Oh, yes,' she's quite popular at social gatherings. She's a great one to keep the conversational ball a rolling." "Why, she isn't much of a talker." ...

    Article : 34 words
  7. IMPUDENCE.

    A certain workman had been asked by another to go to his house to tea, but before the day appointed arrived the latter met him again, and asked did he mind ...

    Article : 115 words
  8. ABLE TO REPORT PROGRESS.

    "Spoonamore how are you getting along with your new girl?" "Swimmingly. I've made her think I was a prey to hopeless melanoholy, and ...

    Article : 38 words
  9. A FINE DISTINCTION.

    "I didn't think you would write an anonymous letter!" "I didn't!" was the indignant reply. "But you didn't sign, your name to ...

    Article : 43 words
  10. CAUGHT A TARTAR.

    A firm of coal merchants hit upon the expedient of pushing trade by occasionally emplying a ton of coals down people's cellars, then going next day, ...

    Article : 183 words
  11. HALF-AND-HALF.

    Lord "Av[?]bury", then Sir John Lubbock, is alleged to have told an amusing story against himself. A friend who was travelling round the world sent him ...

    Article : 231 words
  12. HE HAD HAD MORE TIME.

    Two small boys at the newsboys' dinner put their grimy hands side by side upon the tablecloth. "Mine's dirtier'n yourn [?]" exclaimed ...

    Article : 46 words
  13. HE HAD A HEAD.

    A Scottish bricklayer was employed to build a small outhouse in the country, per contract. Being a very energetic man, he went to work with a will, and ...

    Article : 152 words
  14. AROUSED HER SUSPICION.

    Mabel: Why in tears? Doesn't the ring please you? Helen: Oh, it is beautiful; but I fear that the stone is imitation. ...

    Article : 43 words
  15. INTERESTING POSSIBILITIES.

    "If Homer were alive now," said the poet, "do you think people would pay any attention to him[?]" "They mights" answered the man who ...

    Article : 52 words
  16. JONATHAN'S SURPRISE.

    John Weaver, the Mayor of Philadelphia, had occasion at a recent banquet in the Quaker city to speak of unpleasant surprises. "These unpleasant ...

    Article : 184 words
  17. ONLY WANTED A "LIFT."

    An English railway employee, whose home is in the country, applied to a prominent director for a pass to visit his family. ...

    Article : 138 words
  18. THE TSAR AT HOME.

    My happiness was born at night, It has only flourished in darkness; I have Jost my joy in life, I wander wearily in gloom. ...

    Article : 605 words
  19. CLINCHING THE ARGUMENT.

    A Mormon once argued polygamy with Mark Twain. The Mormon insisted that polygamy was moral, and he defied Mark Twain to cite any practice of Scripture ...

    Article : 53 words
  20. A HOUSE DIVIDED.

    A certain elderly couple were childless and discontented. They had never been united by the bond of other lives linked with their own. So they were always in a ...

    Article : 217 words
  21. THE LAST WORD.

    "So her husband made a will forbidding her to marry again?" "Yes" answered Miss Cayenne. "I didn't know he had so much ...

    Article : 47 words
  22. "PRETTY DIRTY."

    In the evidence before the Volunteer Royal Commission Sir William Butler told one or two good stories. One of them was this:— ...

    Article : 172 words
  23. ONLY LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM.

    The wind swept a cloud of dust about them as they turned the corner of the street. "Did you get any dust in your eyes, ...

    Article : 170 words
  24. HER CURIOSITY.

    "Mrs. Chellus looks bad, does't she?" "Yes, and no wonder. She's been awake every night for a week past." ...

    Article : 47 words
  25. THE SHORTAGE OF POWER.

    It had already grown quite dark, and there was something wrong with the electrical apparatus in the hotel. "What's the matter?" asked a man ...

    Article : 61 words
  26. MUTUAL COMPLIMENTS.

    "Mabel," said George, with his fine, open smile "P[?]n going to be frank and truthful with you from the start, as I mean to be always when,we are married. ...

    Article : 146 words
  27. SHE GOT THE PLACE.

    The "New York Herald" tells hew a diplomatic young lady, who understood the weakness of politicians, secured some years ago a place in the State service. ...

    Article : 306 words
  28. A DESIRABLE TERMINATION.

    "Ladies and gentlemen," said the nervous chairman at the meeting of a public company, "the end which we have in view—the end which we desire ...

    Article : 60 words
  29. GRIZZLY FAVOURED WEBB.

    A Dr. Steward Webb was entertaining a large shooting party on his estate in Vermont. Sport was excellent, and exciting hunting stories were told in the ...

    Article : 233 words
  30. A GROSS INSULT.

    "What[?]" demanded the mother. "You havem't left your husband [?]" "Yes," sobbed the wretched young wife. "He insulted me—insulted me ...

    Article : 51 words
  31. A GUEST OF HONOUR.

    An English actor was a member, of a company snowbound in the Sierras while [?]n route from California to New York. Before their train was pulled out of the ...

    Article : 165 words
  32. DIDN'T MATTER WHICH WAY.

    It is said that when Thelwall was on trial for high treason, during, the evidence for the proseoution he wrote the following note and sent it to his counsel ...

    Article : 61 words
  33. NECESSITY WAS OUT OF IT.

    Necessity," remarked the man with the chronic quotation habit, "is the mother of invention." "There's where you've got a flat ...

    Article : 62 words
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