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  2. A PAGE OF FUN

    "Of course, it was bound to come sooner or later," he said. "After the franchise it was only a matter of time. One always felt that; but it's very ... [ILLUSTRATED]

    Article : 479 words
  3. To a Living Bust.

    Your silk and satin skin Has a dim radiance akin To old ivory. Your features, finely, sketched, ...

    Article : 67 words
  4. No title

    Chief-Bandit: "Hist. Alfonso! The Gold Coach from Dead Man's Gutch." From London "Punch," by special arrangement with the proprietors. ... [ILLUSTRATED]

    Article : 21 words
  5. Being Polite.

    Little Leonard had been told by his parents that whenever visitors called at the house it was his duty to pay them some attention. ...

    Article : 90 words
  6. For Nothing.

    A cheap-jack butcher brought his cart to a standstill, and an old woman looked at a pile of bones and gristle which the butcher loftily termed "joints and steaks." ...

    Article : 83 words
  7. Have You Heard This?

    Mother had put three-year-old Ruth in the yard where a gate, used by tradesmen on this particular morning, had been left open. ...

    Article : 62 words
  8. No title

    Sweet Sixteen: "Mother, I'm tired of looking such a kid—couldn't I have shorter frocks now?" From the "Bystander." ... [ILLUSTRATED]

    Article : 24 words
  9. An Unfortunate Omission.

    "How did you get your head cut up that way? Railway accident?" "No, a fellow threw some tomatoes at me." ...

    Article : 42 words
  10. No Control Whatever.

    Angry hotel guest (telephoning to reception office): "I say, what is the big idea? Someone is running up and down the corridor and I can't get a wink of ...

    Article : 51 words
  11. The Cause of Delay.

    A farmer—a Scotsman—agreed to deliver 20 hens to the local market. But only 19 were sent, and it was late evening when the twentieth bird was brought in by the ...

    Article : 55 words
  12. Aitches and Music.

    A youthful artist was singing "Kathleen Mavourneen," and would insist on singing "The dawn on the 'ills." When the concert was over the ...

    Article : 79 words
  13. Empty Pockets.

    "There's a sort of bump on your chest," said the tailor, pausing in his measurements, "but we make the clothing so that you will not realise the bump is there." ...

    Article : 47 words
  14. Expectant.

    Mummy (to Joan and Joyce): "So daddy is having a little nap? I'm so glad you are sitting quietly and not disturbing him." ...

    Article : 37 words
  15. Uncomplimentary.

    Sensitive Golfer (who has made a poor stroke): "Did yon laugh at me, boy?" Caddie: "No. sir. I was laughing at another man ...

    Article : 37 words
  16. No title

    "Bill has a new siren for his car." "What happened to the blonde?" ... [ILLUSTRATED]

    Article : 13 words
  17. His Mistake.

    He—"Say, girlie, let's get married and take a long honeymoon." She—"Have you enough money?" He—"No, but aren't you the girl that ...

    Article : 37 words
  18. Anticipated.

    "Null: "I started out on the theory that the world had an opening for me." Void: "And you found it?" Null: Well, rather. I'm in the hole ...

    Article : 29 words
  19. Another Needed.

    "Jane, you've forgotten to dust the drawing room," said the mistress in anger; "if this occurs again I shall really have to get another servant." ...

    Article : 43 words
  20. What Then!

    "Now, Willie, I want yon to behave yourself at Mrs. Jones's party. And don't take any liberties!" "Even if Mrs. Jones passes them, ...

    Article : 28 words
  21. Truly Spoken.

    Lady: "An exporter, are you? What excatly do you mean?" Mendicant: "The railway company fired me, ma'am!" ...

    Article : 20 words
  22. Found Out.

    "And how did you like the sermon on Sunday, Mrs. Jones?" asked the new curate with a simpering smile. "Very good indeed, sir." said Mrs. Jones, "and ...

    Article : 41 words
  23. The Household Necessity.

    "I think we'll have to eat out to-night, dear." "Why?" "I can't find the can opener!" ...

    Article : 20 words
  24. Kind of Him.

    Cave-man Husbane (sternly, to wife who has been shopping)— "What do you want with a new frock?" His wife (happily)—"How thoughtful ...

    Article : 38 words
  25. A Legal Request.

    A Judge was crossing the Channel one very stormy night when he knocked against a lawyer suffering severely from sea sickness. "Can I do anything for you?" ...

    Article : 46 words
  26. Only the Eleventh.

    Vicar (uncertain of date when filling in certificate of baptism): "Let's see, this is the fourteenth, isn't it?" Mother: "Oh, lor', no sir! Only the ...

    Article : 28 words
  27. Out of Mischief.

    A tourist passing through a small country town noticed a post on which was marked the height to which the river had risen during a recent flood. ...

    Article : 85 words
  28. Appropriate.

    The minister had been away for some time, having underdone an operation for appendicitis, and his assistant, after announcing his safe recovery after the ...

    Article : 46 words
  29. Railroad Property.

    "What do you mean by heaving those trunks about like that?" shouted the railway official. The porter was nonplussed, wondering ...

    Article : 42 words
  30. The Alternative.

    Tramp (to baughty old gentleman): "Spare a copper, sir?" Haughty Old Gentleman: "I never give money to people in the street, my man." ...

    Article : 38 words
  31. The Real Cause.

    Mistress: "I am Cornish by birth." New Maid: "Yer don't s'y so! I allus thought as they was caused bv tignt boots." ...

    Article : 26 words
  32. NEAR THE MARK.

    The teacher was examining the class to see how much they remembered of a natural history lesson given the day before. "Now, Johnny." she said, "which animal ...

    Article : 60 words
  33. BABY YOURSELF.

    The old Colonel was kept waiting at the ninth hole by a woman who sauntered across the course with a baby in her arms. "Hurry up. woman, with that baby of ...

    Article : 59 words
  34. Not Scotch.

    Goldstein: "Wherever you go in the world you allus find us Jews are the leading people." McGregor: "Ach. man, how aboot the ...

    Article : 40 words
  35. Tactless.

    "Why can't we be married at once?" "Oh, I can't bear to leave father alone just now." "But, my darling, he has had you such ...

    Article : 31 words
  36. No Need To.

    "Now, are you sure, Hannah, that you have washed that fish thoroughly?" "Shure, mum, and what would be the sinse? Don't the crithers live in the ...

    Article : 35 words
  37. Patriotic.

    The colour scheme when Mabel wed Revenled her folks as patriots true. The groom looked red. the bride looked white. ...

    Article : 33 words
  38. Sympathy.

    Landlady: "You shouldn't study so hard, you look so weary." (Student: "I know, madam, but I'm studying for a degree." ...

    Article : 33 words
  39. QUIET DRESSING.

    Rich employer (engaging a new chauffeur): "And remember until your uniform is ready I should like you to drees very quietly." ...

    Article : 40 words
  40. POLITENESS.

    The dying man had always been polite, and had lived in an atmosphere of formality all his life. "Please excuse my unavoidably dying in your presence," said he ...

    Article : 47 words
  41. Try This One.

    Traffic Cop: "Say, you can't park here." Motorist: "It's all right, officer. I just want to park here long enough to get out and look around for a place to park." ...

    Article : 34 words
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