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  2. Alotsam and Jetsam

    "My wife says she doesn't want an Easter bonnet, and it scares me." "Think she's losing her mind?" "No; I'm afraid she's planning for a new ...

    Article : 37 words
  3. Not Lost, but Gone Before.

    "Harry, I want this old straw hat for the church 'rummage' sale." "No, Amelia, I intend to wear that hat." "Well—dear me—you can come and buy it ...

    Article : 34 words
  4. A Natural Preference.

    "Come, Dicky, and I'll read you about how dear little Moses was mercifully saved from death," "Oh, no, gran'ma, don't read me 'boot little ...

    Article : 37 words
  5. Logical Spelling.

    A young lady sang in a choir— Her voice rose hoir and hoir, Till one starry night It rose out of sight ...

    Article : 32 words
  6. Not a Good Dancer.

    Pianist: "O, when I dance with you, fraulein it seems to me as if I was seated at a piano and was playing a love fantasy!" Partner: "Yes, I noticed it" ...

    Article : 57 words
  7. FACTS AND FANCIES

    A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the w[?] man -Hu[?]. A young lady can stand up straight and still be bent on marriage. ...

    Article : 919 words
  8. Too Realistic.

    "This story won't do at all," said the publisher to the ambitious writer. "The detective chases a man all over the world and never catches him." ...

    Article : 45 words
  9. Not an Eloquent Preacher.

    The Parson: "I t'ink it'd be moah 'propriate of yo' 'tended chu'ch on Sunday 'stid of gwine shootin'." The Reprobate: "Wal, pahson de shootin' in dis hyah neighb'hood am ...

    Article : 37 words
  10. A Dreadful Position.

    Husband: "What's worrying yon now?" Wife: "O. I was thinking about the lace curtains you said I might buy for the parlour. If I don't get them the neighbours will think I ...

    Article : 60 words
  11. Awfully Careless.

    Doctor: "Where's my hat, I wonder?" Assistant: "Weren't you operating tor appendicitis just now?" "Yes. but where's my hat?" ...

    Article : 27 words
  12. Automatic Renown.

    "Kirby could become famous if he weren't so lazy." "Oh, he will get famous yet." "What do you mean?" ...

    Article : 42 words
  13. Worth Keeping.

    Lady: "I want you to take this dog back He is handsome, I admit, but he can't be taught anything at all, and is of no earthly use." ...

    Article : 49 words
  14. Her Opinion.

    Yes, said the self-satisfied young woman, "I have had several proposals. Don't you think a man seems absurd when he is proposing?" ...

    Article : 42 words
  15. Not Alluring to Him.

    "Let's go in here and get something to eat," said one country visitor to another as he stopped before a restaurant with the sign "Homelike Cooking." ...

    Article : 41 words
  16. A Distinct Advantage.

    Mrs. Home-Seeker: "You certainly don't expect anybody to take this house? Why, it sags terribly. The floors all run downhill." Agent (a smart man): "It was built that ...

    Article : 73 words
  17. Drawbacks to Everything.

    Olga (who has overheard a conversation in the drawing-room): "Aren't you glad you weren't born a lady, cook?" Cook: "Why should I be glad. Miss Olgar?" ...

    Article : 42 words
  18. Her Objection.

    I am told, said Miss Keedick to Miss Fogdick "that you have dismissed Mr. Trivvet." "Yes, I told him to ring off." "Why?" ...

    Article : 36 words
  19. A Permanent Billet.

    "Landlord, this soup is frightfully salt." "I'm sorry, sir, but the cook is preity careless." "Then why don't you discharge her." ...

    Article : 33 words
  20. Not Fond of Music.

    "James," whispered the good woman, "there's a burglar in the parlour. He stumbled against the piano in the dark. I heard several of the keys struck." ...

    Article : 71 words
  21. Adelaide's Business Head.

    "Adelaide has a cape with Vonderboolt's tailor's tag on it, and it cost £15." "What extravagance!" "Oh, she is getting her money back." ...

    Article : 38 words
  22. "Slim."

    M'Jigger: "Borrows is crafty. He paid back to Hoodew one dollar of the fourteen he owes him." Thingumbob: "It's unusual for Borrows to ...

    Article : 44 words
  23. Sarcastic James.

    "James," whispered the good woman, "there is a burglar in the parlour. He stumbled against the piano in the dark. I heard several of the keys struck." ...

    Article : 71 words
  24. He Get the Information.

    It is told how a happy couple were honeymooning in the country when the first packet of letters from home arrived, and the husband proposed to open one addressed to his wife. ...

    Article : 297 words
  25. Awfu' Waste.

    "Can ye oblige me with a light?" said a Scotsman, as he bit off the end of a cigar and looked round a smoking carriage on the Great Northern Railway. ...

    Article : 95 words
  26. A Boy's Essay on Hens.

    Hens is curious animals. They don't have no nose, nor no teeth, nor no ears. They swallow the vittles whole, and chew it up in their crops inside of 'em. The outside of ...

    Article : 129 words
  27. Brskine's Repartee.

    Apropos of militiamen and ministers wearing uniforms which have previously done service for others, one of Henry Erskine's wittiest repartees is recalled by the "Daily ...

    Article : 162 words
  28. Betrayed.

    The following incident happened to me, says Mr. Sutherland Edwards in his "Personal Recollections," in the capital of the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg. I had just entered a ...

    Article : 280 words
  29. Heard in Camp.

    The veracity of the following anecdotes from the front are not guaranteed by the Editor. Lost—Ten Shillings. ...

    Article : 68 words
  30. His Dishonoured Hat.

    When Senator Gear, of Iowa, came into the Senate Chamber he dropped his slouch hat on the floor in the aisle beside his desk. Senator Stewart came striding along, kicked the hat ...

    Article : 175 words
  31. Army Discipline.

    It was a wet, drenching day. The Caribineers had been in the saddle some four or five hours. An order was issued from headquarters that on returning from duty the men ...

    Article : 73 words
  32. How to Remove Fuses.

    Major Blewitt and other artillery experts are anxious to inform their friends that fuses of live shells are removed with the utmost ease. All that is required is a sledge hammer and a ...

    Article : 121 words
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