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  2. Alotsam and Jetsam

    "I understand that Dinsmore was going to throw Miss Tenspot over," said Gummey to Glanders. "He tried to, but she wouldn't let him," ...

    Article : 31 words
  3. A Bit of Pathos.

    Benevolent Person (to tramp): "Ah, poor fellow, all of us have our loads to carry." Tramp (sighing: "I don't know about that, sir; it's been a long time since I was loaded." ...

    Article : 36 words
  4. Outlandish.

    The tramp entered the private office of a Brisbane cheese merchant. "Boss," began the knight of the tin-can tribe, "I'm a Boer an' I wants yer to help me ...

    Article : 66 words
  5. A Catastrophe.

    A few mornings ago Mrs. Jabbers burst into her husband's office breathlessly. She was without any hat or bonnet on, her hair was dishevelled, and the tears were streaming down ...

    Article : 242 words
  6. Love is Blind.

    "For several weeks I've been skilfully preparing her mind for my proposal." "Was she prepared?" "She has been engaged to another man for ...

    Article : 30 words
  7. Irregular Verbs.

    Housekeeper: "How's this? You promised to saw some wood if I gave yon a lunch." Tramp: "I recall no such promise, madam." ...

    Article : 90 words
  8. Special Pleading.

    Judge: "Prisoner at the bar, stand up." Prisoner (thickly): "Excuse me, Your Honour, but I've been standing up at so many bars that I am quite unable to comply with ...

    Article : 34 words
  9. Not Appreciative.

    Young Mother (proudly):" Everybody says the baby looks like me." Bachelor Brother (amazed): "The spiteful things don't say that to your face, do they?" ...

    Article : 26 words
  10. His Wish.

    Tommy (hugging the rail): "Where are we?" His Pa: "On the bosom of the ocean, my son." ...

    Article : 30 words
  11. An Easy Answer.

    "Sixteen boys went to the canal on a summer's afternoon to swim," said the teacher;" but five were told not to bathe. How many went in?" ...

    Article : 33 words
  12. Quite Feasible.

    A visitor at a school during geography lesson asked a child: "What is the axis of the earth?" "An imaginary line passing from one pole ...

    Article : 71 words
  13. Modified Willingness.

    "Miss Kittish—Mabel, my love, will you marry me?" pleaded Mr. Sterlingworth. "I am hardly prepared to go as far as that, Robert dear, but I have no objection to ...

    Article : 34 words
  14. She Wouldn't Understand.

    "Miss Worth," he said, "do you think I would be justified in pressing my suit?" "Oh, I don't know," answered the young woman with a cold, metallic ring in her ...

    Article : 51 words
  15. FACTS AND FANCIES.

    A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men.—HUDIBRAS. "Miss Bunk says she feels as free as a bird in her rainy-day skirt." "Well, she looks like ...

    Article : 725 words
  16. As It Might Have Been.

    There was a young woman in Worcester, So scared by the cry of a roocester That her mother paid, "Hannah, I'm surprised at your mannah, ...

    Article : 37 words
  17. An April Fool.

    There is an old Cumberland worthy named Tom H-who has reached the mature age of 80, but his eye is not yet dim nor his rustic wit abated. ...

    Article : 190 words
  18. Mamma's Plan.

    Little Ella was telling of their domestic economy. "Oh! yes, mamma is very kind to us. Every time we take our cod-liver oil without crying she gives us a penny each." ...

    Article : 56 words
  19. Strong in Death.

    The people on shore were transfixed with horror. She was about to sink for the last time. But, stay! The hero was almost with in reach of her now. "Give me your hand." ...

    Article : 52 words
  20. Knew His Business.

    Mrs. Harduppe: "O! John, just think, Mary is engaged to young Bilyuns." Mr. Harduppe: "Eh! I must object to that." ...

    Article : 56 words
  21. Good Practice.

    French Sportsman (who had asked the Englisman to shoot with him): "There are [?] hares in this cover. One I call Alfonso and the other Eugenic. Don't shoot at ...

    Article : 55 words
  22. In Confidence.

    Old Friend: "You should always take your wife into your confidence. Women appreciate that sort of thing." De Broker: " Oh, I do that; that is, in ...

    Article : 54 words
  23. Pretty Bad.

    Mrs. Bardell: "What time did Mr. Soskem come home last night, Mary?" Mary (the servant girl): "It was 4 o'clock in the morning, and 'e were very unsteady join' upstairs." ...

    Article : 66 words
  24. Base Apathy.

    "Say, Thompson, did you ever notice that I was brutally indifferent to my children?" "Certainly not. You're quite the contrary, Holmes." ...

    Article : 192 words
  25. Where the Talent Lay.

    Theatrical Manager: "Who is the highest-priced man in the company?" "Why, M'Booth: he plays Hamlet, Orthello, King Richard, Cyrano de Bergerac, Richelien, Josh Whitcomb, ...

    Article : 60 words
  26. His Opinion.

    Miss Groohet (after an attack upon the piano): "How do you like that? It is a song without words." Fogg; "It would be absolutely perfect but ...

    Article : 44 words
  27. A Question of Size.

    The elephants were comparing trunks at the zoo. "I could carry a house with mine," said me ex-eirous elephant. ...

    Article : 57 words
  28. The Usual Thing.

    A little girl had been to church for the first time, and on her return home her mother asked her if she liked it. "Yes," said the little girl; "but there is one thing I didn't ...

    Article : 65 words
  29. The Educated Hindu.

    One of the remarkable things about Ladysmith during the siege was the amount of literary genius it brought forth. Extracts from the "Ladysmith Lyre" show the gay and ...

    Article : 270 words
  30. Too Much Lung.

    Young Wife: "My dear, the first time I saw you you were with a party of students giving the college yell." Husband: "Yes, I remember." ...

    Article : 54 words
  31. The Terrors of Social Life.

    At a Charity Ball.—Stout Lady: "Excuse me, Lady Godolphin, but I should so like to make some notes of your charming costume-may I?" ...

    Article : 64 words
  32. Didn't Understand Billiards.

    "Charley, dear," said young Mrs. Torkins, I want you'to be more careful about the use of firearms." "Why, I haven't-" ...

    Article : 66 words
  33. Evil Conscience.

    "What on earth are you bringing all those umbrellas in here for?" asked Mrs. Van Fashion as Mr. Van Fashion puffed into their bedroom with an armful. ...

    Article : 63 words
  34. Inopportune.

    Gentle spring had come. The young grass was growing by the roadside along which they strolled. Love fired the youth's breast. "Ah, Miss Stiles—Edith!" he cried ...

    Article : 77 words
  35. Where She Would Get the Car.

    One day recently an elderly lady from the wilds of Cadder landed at Mitchell-lane, Glasgow, and gazed earnestly down that cartbesieged place, while she occupied the central ...

    Article : 83 words
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