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  2. FLOTSAM AND JETSAM.

    "He: "My dear girl, you spend all your money in getting your hand read." She : "And you spend all yours, old boy in getting your nose red." ...

    Article : 33 words
  3. PREPOSTEROUS.

    "What wages do you pay, mum?" "I'm willing to pay you whatever you are worth." "I've never worked for so little at ...

    Article : 31 words
  4. SILKEN STYLES.

    "Are you going to hang up your stockings this Christmas?" "What's the use? They're so thin Santa Claus would never be able to see them." ...

    Article : 28 words
  5. A MERE NOTHING.

    "You know that cloth I was going to make a skirt of ? Well, I left the parcel in the tram." "Oh, don't worry over such a trifle." ...

    Article : 31 words
  6. AT THE PANTOMIME.

    "Hist!" whispered the villain, creeping stealthily away. "I expected you would be," rejoined the stage manager, with curling lip ...

    Article : 23 words
  7. WHERE HE BELONGED.

    Guest, at anniversary dinner: "You belong to one branch of the host's family, I believe ?" Poor Relation: "Yes. I belong to the ...

    Article : 35 words
  8. INTROSPECTIVE.

    A schoolmaster received the following note from a pupil's mother:—"Honoured sir,—Johnny can't come to school to-day. Yesterday another boy threw a stone ...

    Article : 39 words
  9. NOT CLOSE ENOUGH.

    He (explaining the game of Association football): "They try to get the ball past the goalkeeper and between the posts, do you see !" ...

    Article : 47 words
  10. THE DOCTOR WOULD SEE TO THAT.

    Doctor (with ear to patient's chest) "There's a curious swelling over the region of the heart, sir, which must be reduced at once." ...

    Article : 47 words
  11. A CASE REDRESS.

    "Why are Irishmen always laying bare the wrongs of their country ?" somebody once asked in the House of Commons. "Because they want them redressed !" ...

    Article : 37 words
  12. ANTICIPATING.

    "Say, Lawson, let me use your 'phone, will you?" "Certainly. What's the matter with yours?" ...

    Article : 60 words
  13. GOING HALVES.

    She : 'Harry, you said something last evening that made me feel so had." He : "What was it. dearest ?" She : "You said I was one of the ...

    Article : 67 words
  14. MATERIAL.

    The inspector was talking about adverbs and adjectives. "Does your master use adverbs and adjectives?" he asked. ...

    Article : 55 words
  15. OF COURSE.

    Enthusiastic Professor of Physics (discussing the organic and inorganic kingdoms): "Now, if I should shut my eyes —so—and drop my head— so —and should ...

    Article : 62 words
  16. NOT NECESSARY.

    A Lancashire landlady, whose reputation for overfeeding her boarders was not great, brought in the supper tray, and after she had set the various items ...

    Article : 64 words
  17. QUITE HARMLESS.

    "James, dear," said Mrs. Newpop, "do you think so much bread and golden syrup is good for baby ?" "Certainly," reeponded Mr. Newpop. "Bread is the 'staff of life,' you know." ...

    Article : 78 words
  18. TRESPASSING.

    At a certain college in the North of Scotland the male students were not allowed to visit the resident lady boarders. One day a male student was caught in the ...

    Article : 90 words
  19. THE LIGHTHOUSE.

    Having recently got married, they were spending their honeymoon. Although it was cold and windy, they had braved the exposure of the prom., so as to be ...

    Article : 80 words
  20. TOOK HIM AT HIS WORD.

    "This new printing machine will de twice as much work, of a better quality, than the old ones," said an agent. "You'd better have one, sir. It will pay for itself in 12 months." "Will you guarantee that?" inquired the manager. "Yes, sir," said the agent, eagerly; ...

    Article : 78 words
  21. WHEN YOU SEE-

    A small army of women hurrying into the shops with numerous bundles, it is a sign they didn't get exactly what they wanted. ...

    Article : 77 words
  22. THE BOARD WAS AIL RIGHT.

    Some time ago a man was travelling along the main road when he saw a sign announcing that the rural inn was a hundred yards farther on. ...

    Article : 134 words
  23. IT WAS A CHEAP CIGAR.

    The great detective looted critically at the cigar that the little, thin, palefaced man had just given him. "You're married, sir," he said, "and ...

    Article : 121 words
  24. A BAD SIGN.

    A banker in Central Kentucky was in the habit of wearing his hat a good deal during business hours, as in summer the flies used his bald pate for a parading ...

    Article : 135 words
  25. THE HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION.

    "Miss Prittly," said the young lawyer with the high brow and the Henry Clay forelock, "let me ask you a hypothetical question. Suppose that a young man of ...

    Article : 141 words
  26. VALUE FOR MONEY.

    A gentleman living in a rural part of. Lancashire sent his coachboy to a neighbouring village for five shillings worth, of penny stamps. ...

    Article : 144 words
  27. DIDN'T REQUIRE THEM.

    To advertise his business, a dentist recently, offered to fit with false teeth the 12 aged women in poor circumstances who were the first to apply to him. ...

    Article : 200 words
  28. THE PIP AND THE SLIP.

    The turkey and m'nee-pies had done their evil work. Little Maimie got a pain in her sash, and had to go to bed. The family doctor and his top-hat ...

    Article : 185 words
  29. EXPLAINED.

    The rollicking party was in full swing, and most of the guests had almost tired themselves out with their exertions at "musical chairs," and the like. ...

    Article : 183 words
  30. WHY THE CAPTAIN REFUSED.

    There was a sound of revelry by night in Chumpville recently, for one of the leading lights in the local commercial world, who chanced also to he captain of ...

    Article : 183 words
  31. MUCH TOO PERSONAL.

    "No, I don't make off-hand and flippant remarks about strangers any more. It's dangerous. I used to, when I was younger and fresher, but you couldn't ...

    Article : 247 words
  32. BABY'S MONEY-BOX

    It was Christmas Eve. A beautiful woman sat staring dolefully at the embers of the fire. "Christmas Eve," she murmured, "and ...

    Article : 134 words
  33. AS A START.

    The proud confectioner had opened his new shop in time for the Friday rush, and was putting a few finishing touches on his stock. ...

    Article : 94 words
  34. FATHER CRUSHED.

    Immediately the little. Fundells are old enough to understand that falling downstairs is a senseless method of reasoning, they commence to receive lessons on ...

    Article : 155 words
  35. DIDN'T GET HIS CUSTOM AGAIN.

    A gentleman went into a fancy stoop one day to buy a Christmas present. It was early, and the shopkeeper and his little boy were alone in the house. The ...

    Article : 109 words
  36. Classified Advertising

    {No abstract available}

    Advertising : 77 words
  37. NECKED!

    The shades of the goose and the turkey Were discussing their respective deaths. "Did yon offer any objection when first the cruel farmer laid "hands on you?" ...

    Article : 81 words
  38. RATHER AWKWARD.

    "I'm very sorry," said a fair young girl! at a darice to a youth who, had, asked if be might take her into supper; "but I have promised to go in to supper ...

    Article : 68 words
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