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  2. On a Level with the Dog.

    One frequently hears people Bay, when addressed in some language with which they are supposed to be familiar—"I can understand it, but I cannot speak it." The ...

    Article : 95 words
  3. Honours Were Easy.

    A hard-up looking tramp, with a most forlorn story of destitution, applied for charity at a certain metropolitan church. The minister in charge had previously received unfavourable ...

    Article : 83 words
  4. The Battle of the flexes.

    " Whan Adam delved and Eve span," No one need ask which was the man. Bicycling, footballing, scarce human. All wonder now " Which is the woman ?" ...

    Article : 104 words
  5. Flotsam and Jetsam.

    Once Cupid, in his roguish way, Into a room went peeping, And there upon the sofa lay A maiden calmly sleeping. ...

    Article : 74 words
  6. The Innocent Boy.

    There was a bridal couple in the train. They were young and tender, and as they sat together in the carriage they had hold of hands. This is perfectly proper and right, ...

    Article : 94 words
  7. The White Man's Idol.

    In India two missionaries were travelling through the country preaching. They stopped for the night in a hut. At dark they lighted a candle, and as they had no candlestick they ...

    Article : 110 words
  8. Speculation in Hit Eye.

    Benevolent Individual: "Yes, sir, I hold that when a man makes a little extra money his first duty is to make his wife a present of a handsome dress." ...

    Article : 51 words
  9. Quite Large Enough Already.

    " What is that young man who makes all the noise on the third floor trying to do ?" asked the boarder who came from the country. "He's cultivating his voice," replied the old ...

    Article : 55 words
  10. An Eye to the Future.

    Gus Smith: " You are always giving your girl diamonds. That's too confounded expensive. Why don't yon give her chocolates and flowers ?" ...

    Article : 62 words
  11. Dull Times for Artists.

    Lady Gushton (always so agreeable): "And the magnificent pictures you had here last year —have you got them all still ?" Mr. Flake Whyts (sadly): "Yes: I have them all." Lady ...

    Article : 66 words
  12. Baal's Gravy.

    The superintendent of a Sunday school was explaining to his scholars the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal—how Elijah built an altar, put wood upon it, and out a bullock in ...

    Article : 112 words
  13. "The Dear Baby."

    A gray African parrot was usually kept in the nursery with its owner's children, and its greatest delight in life was to see the baby bathed. One day it was taken from the ...

    Article : 102 words
  14. Real Scotch.

    Meeting, the other day, the daughter of ft friend, a little girl aged 4, an Aberdeen man observed, " I'll give yon a sixpence if you tell me the name of your sweetheart." ...

    Article : 81 words
  15. Professional Jealousy.

    Macfarlane: "I suppose you have come again in connection with the diamond pin I thought had been stolen from me? It turns out, after all, that I had left it in my ...

    Article : 57 words
  16. German Bulls.

    The Irish have not got a monopoly for the manufacture of bulls. The German papers abound in them. Here are a few specimens: " After the door was closed a soft female foot ...

    Article : 128 words
  17. Facts and Fancies.

    A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest mon.—HUDIBRAS "Don't let baby play with the scissors. He'll hurt himself." "Oh, no, he's cutting his teeth." ...

    Article : 758 words
  18. True Philosophy.

    Dat poverty am no disgrace, It often hyurd 'em say, But It hab its inconveniences; I feels 'em eb'ry day. My only comfort's thinkin', while I labours wiv de axe, ...

    Article : 90 words
  19. "A Nice Pupil."

    Napoleon was a great soldier, but he could not spell. His handwriting was also so bad at to give rise to the rumour that he used undecipherable characters to conceal the fact ...

    Article : 118 words
  20. The Worm's Tarn.

    It was his first baby, and an old bachelor friend looked in after lunch to congratulate him. It was in a flat, the nursery adjoined the smoking-room, and the men could scarcely ...

    Article : 110 words
  21. Dire Disappointment.

    He: "At last we are alone, and I have an opportunity to 6peak. I have been seeking this moment for days and days, for I have something to say to you." ...

    Article : 119 words
  22. An Impossibility.

    "Look here," said the purchaser of a horse to a dealer, " that horse yon sold me ran away yesterday and smashed my buggy all to pieces." "Well," responded the dealer. "I told you ...

    Article : 110 words
  23. Wise Precaution.

    A young man from about Aberdeen went to get a tooth pulled. The dentist advised him to inhale the laughing gas. "What is the effect o' the gas?" asked the ...

    Article : 120 words
  24. More Likely.

    A landowner in Ireland named Considine, who took great pride in the condition of his estate, had at one time one of his farms to let. A man from the county of Kerry, where the ...

    Article : 160 words
  25. Awful Waste.

    O'Looney came up the other evening, looking the correct photograph of sorrow wedded to indignation. "Hello, old man!" we exclaimed, "you ...

    Article : 152 words
  26. The Amateur Gardener.

    He kept a market garden, for he told his wife, said he: "This is a year when we must practise strict economy. Oar funds are hardly what I wish, and dividends, ...

    Article : 287 words
  27. Diagnosis by Telephone.

    The beneficent uses of the telephone are not as yet fully understood. The other night young Smythe awoke about 3 a.m. with an excruciating pain below his chest. The more he ...

    Article : 203 words
  28. The Rose and the Thorn.

    She was no longer a rosebud. Indeed, she was in full bloom, and had been so through several seasons. But she had money, and he loved her. How often men do that way. ...

    Article : 183 words
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