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  2. PERSONAL.

    Mr. T. P. O'Connor has resumed control of "M.A.P.," with which "P.T.O." is to be combined. In the editorial note he says:-- "Just two years ago--almost to the day--I ...

    Article : 840 words
  3. WIT AND HUMOR.

    Teacher: Johnnie, tell me the name of the largest known' diamond. Johnnie: The ace. Diner: Here, waiter, this egg isn't half cooked. ...

    Article : 956 words
  4. THE KEY TO THE WHISK.

    De Style: Prohibition is sweeping the States. Gunbusta: Must be sweeping it with a whisky broom, I guess. ...

    Article : 23 words
  5. THE WRONG TENSE.

    Dorothea's father was sitting before a window in his country house with Dorothea on his knees. He was looking across the fields with unseeing eyes, when the lassie broke in on his reverie ...

    Article : 62 words
  6. A BRILLIANT ERROR.

    An eminent singer of foreign birth, whose appetite is such that it almost rivals the fame of his voice, dined at a table where all the women were reasonably mature, with the exception of the ...

    Article : 141 words
  7. FREE OF CHARGE.

    Some time since a genial looking Irish gentleman wanted an empty bottle in which to mix a solution that he wished to prepare, and went to a drug store to make the purchase. ...

    Article : 95 words
  8. NOT EXACTLY.

    "Time is money." "Hard times aren't." ...

    Article : 9 words
  9. AT A SPIRITUALISTIC SEANCE.

    "Is that, the spirit of Lindley Murray?" "Yes; that's me." ...

    Article : 15 words
  10. HIS WAY OF DOING IT.

    It was at Montaulk Point, after the soldiers had returned from Cuba, and the hospitals were crowded with sick and wounded, that the ladies visited them daily, carrying delicacies of every ...

    Article : 154 words
  11. DOUBLE DUTCH.

    Dis earth vas a land of shadows. Vhen you vas go died you vas found der realidies out. Vhen you vas shkim all der cream of pleasure off dhen comes der soda-vasser und rependance. ...

    Article : 95 words
  12. HE KNEW.

    "Are you in pain, my little man?" asked the kind old gentleman. "No," answered the boy, "the pain's in me." ...

    Article : 24 words
  13. MUSIC HATH CHARMS.

    The fact that I am a good musician," said the lady from the country village," was the means of saving my life during the floods in our town a few years ago." ...

    Article : 80 words
  14. MIGHT BE USEFUL.

    Governor of Prison: You are leaving hero now; your conduct in prison has been excellent. Here is a sovereign. I hope you will devote yourself to true honorable business. ...

    Article : 72 words
  15. THE AMERICAN FLEET.

    "Our fleet is going 'round the world; Who knows why it goes?" An Englishwoman then remarked: " 'Evans only knows." ...

    Article : 23 words
  16. NOT THAT KIND.

    A young woman in Philadelphia but recently married was enjoying the delightful novelty of marketing one morning shortly after the termination of the honeymoon. ...

    Article : 67 words
  17. WHY HE WAS LATE

    Pat was late again, and the foreman was dealing out the usual reprimands. "Nine o'clock," he said. "What do you mean by coining at this time of the day? I wonder ...

    Article : 110 words
  18. THE OMEN.

    Mr. Newlywed: But, my love, why are you weeping? Mrs. Newlywed: Oh, John, John! I just peeped into the kitchen and saw that cook has on her ...

    Article : 31 words
  19. SOME LEAP YEAR ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN.

    Before permitting yourself to be kissed, it is well to struggle. Don't overdo the matter, however, A little practice will enable you to know just when to yield. ...

    Article : 267 words
  20. DIDN'T WANT TO PAY MORE.

    "You are fined 10 dollars for contempt of court." "I'm glad, judge, that this is not a higher court." ...

    Article : 26 words
  21. MORE SECLUDED.

    "By the way," said the pretty girl, "did your fiance kiss you last night?" "Yes, dear," laughed her blushing chum, "but not by the way; that was too public. By ...

    Article : 35 words
  22. SHORT AND SWEET.

    A certain gentleman had a mother-in-law with whom he did not live on a very peaceful footing. Finally, she died, and the son-in-law a few days, afterwards met Jones, who is somewhat of a ...

    Article : 86 words
  23. A CHICAGO TRAGEDY.

    "Why does that tall woman over in the corner look so sad?" "Because she can't get a divorce." "Why can't she get one?" ...

    Article : 31 words
  24. HAD HER OWN.

    "Can you be trusted with a secret?" he asked. The woman drew herself up proudly. "You have known me for ten years, haven't you?" she replied. ...

    Article : 39 words
  25. ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

    Barney "Molloy and Mike Carey were mixing mortar. "Barney," Mike asked, leaning on ids shovel, "what is the difference between 'satisfied' and ...

    Article : 89 words
  26. PARENTAL CARE.

    "Why do you abuse your father? He fed you, educated you, and clothed you." "Maybe he did. If he hadn't fed been held have been have been hung, if he hadn't educated me the public ...

    Article : 54 words
  27. OUR LATEST PRODUCTS.

    Once upon there was a man who, having gambled in the street, played the races, gone up m a balloon, travelled to the Yukon, and done other adventurous things, decided that he would ...

    Article : 362 words
  28. WHO KNOWS?

    Owner of Property (sternly, to tramp reclining on a mossy bank): Don't you see that notice, "Trespassers will be prosecuted"? Tramp (calmly): No, I don't see it, for I can't ...

    Article : 95 words
  29. PROBABLY, IN MARYLAND.

    "What does become of all the pins?" cried Mrs. X., as she vainly sought for one on her dressing table. "I know, mamma," cried her little son, who ...

    Article : 47 words
  30. HIS FUTURE OCCUPATION.

    "What business is papa in, mamma?" "Why, he is a tea sampler; he samples the different kinds of teas." "Mamma?" ...

    Article : 46 words
  31. HE HAD THE MEASURE.

    "I want," said the recently married man in the linen draper's shop, "a lady's belt." "Yes, sir," said the polite shop assistant. "What size?" ...

    Article : 91 words
  32. A BOOTLESS ARGUMENT.

    In a Glasgow ear was an aged Irishman who told a pipe in him mouth. The conductor told him he could not smoke, but he paid no heed. Presently the guard came into the car, and said, ...

    Article : 80 words
  33. HUSBAND'S MEANNESS.

    A New Jersey lady has a stingy husband, and the last straw that is compelling her to find relief from his meanness in divorce was his decree that their son should take long steps to save his ...

    Article : 169 words
  34. ON FISHING BENT.

    A stickit minister once discovered, while on his way to kirk, a boy fishing. "An' what will your fayther say, if he kens ye fish on the Sawbath, my boy?" he questioned. ...

    Article : 82 words
  35. Advertising

    {No abstract available}

    Advertising : 164 words
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