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  2. PERSONAL.

    A Champion Romancer.--Replying to a vote of thanks recently, Lieutenant-General Sir W. Stirling referred to the great advance in gunnery within recent years. As ...

    Article : 1,207 words
  3. BREVITIES.

    Comparatively, few horses attain to seventeen hands, but Kansas boasts of one that measures twenty hands and weighs 2112 lb. This big creature is owned by a man named Stout, who lives ...

    Article : 1,462 words
  4. WIT AND HUMOR.

    "Ah! old man. I hear you've had an addition, to your family." "Yes, two." "Not twins?" ...

    Article : 30 words
  5. NOT BACILL[?].

    Careful Housekeeper: "Have" you boiled the drinking water?" Faithful Servant: "Yes'm." "And sterilised the milk?" "Yes'm." "What is this in the soup?" "Oh, that isn't Ho bacillus ...

    Article : 36 words
  6. JUSTIFIED.

    Guide (savagely): "How in tarnation did you come to take inc for a deer? Why, I was sittin on this hero log smoking' my pipe plain as could be!" Cholly (nervously): "W-w-well, I've Seen ...

    Article : 44 words
  7. PUCK'S PROPHECY

    When Puck once threatened, in his mirth, To throw a girdle round the earth, He little knew, tho thoughtless youth, His prophecy was born of truth; ...

    Article : 42 words
  8. A CUTTING REMARK.

    "Why do you smoke so much?" "Oh, I think it is good for one. Don't you know it kills microbes, and--or--things?" "Er--don't you feel it must be dangerous for ...

    Article : 39 words
  9. PARSON V. LAWYER.

    A case was being tried recently respecting the soundness of a home, in Which a clergyman, not educated in a school of Tattersull, appeared as chief witness. ...

    Article : 108 words
  10. SAVED FROM THEIR FRIENDS.

    Crawford: "Why do you think their runaway marriage will turn out to be a happy one?" Crabshaw: "Because all their relatives were so angry about it that they refuse to visit them." ...

    Article : 37 words
  11. AMONG HER FRIENDS.

    Grace: "Clara says that when Charley proposed she almost cried." Maud: "Well, why didn't she?" Grace: "I don't know. Perhaps her complexion ...

    Article : 27 words
  12. POOR BOY.

    It was his first day at the new School, and he was standing the fire of the usual questions asked on so auspicious an occasion. "Who's your family doctor?" asked a big boy. ...

    Article : 123 words
  13. NOT NECESSARY.

    He: Of course, dear, I'll be back from the club in time for the opera; but in ease it would turn out to be impossible, I'll send you a note by a messenger. She: That's not necessary; it's just ...

    Article : 47 words
  14. AS TO MATRIMONY.

    Niece: "As we're both" single, auntie, we haven't any experience." Maiden Aunt: "But I'm older than you--" Niece: "Well, yea; you've had a longer ...

    Article : 31 words
  15. OLD AGE PENSIONS.

    Five-and-twenty men in a room not more than 12 feet square were talking over the principles of a minimum wage, the evidence for a God, the land question, how you can develop the brain ...

    Article : 1,215 words
  16. HE WOULDN'T TELL.

    First Broker: "Did you win or lose in that big drop in stocks to-day?" Second Broker (loftily): "That's my business, sir. Say, can you direct me to a threepenny ...

    Article : 37 words
  17. THE SCOTTISH SERMON.

    The length, breadth, depth and thoroughness of the Scottish sermon of the eighteenth century have been vividly portrayed by Dr. Watson, better known as Ian Maclaren. A subject, as he remarked ...

    Article : 269 words
  18. HIS PARENTAGE.

    Johnny Henpec: "Pa, you an' ma's one 'cause, ye're married, ain't yer?" Mr. Henpec: "Yes, my son." Johnny: "Well, which one are you?" ...

    Article : 35 words
  19. A COMMERCIAL SPIRIT.

    "Yes," said the aristocrat, "I was indignant, and I wrote that the clandestine marriage of our son to his daughter was a blot on the family 'scutcheon, and his only reply Was to send me an ...

    Article : 56 words
  20. NO ORIGINALITY NECESSARY.

    Why do you keep repcating questions?" asked the irritable man. "Why don't you say something original?" "My dear sir, there is no use of that. Every time I think of anything good ...

    Article : 46 words
  21. CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES.

    "You'll be careful not to go where the ice is thin. Yon remember there was a boy fell in a little while ago." "Yes; but that was on Sunday, an' you said it ...

    Article : 54 words
  22. DELIGHTFUL.

    Mrs. Beecroit: "Your little boy seems" perfectly delighted with the printing press Santa Claus brought him." Mrs. Chattorton (resignedly): "Yes. He has discovered, he can get dirtier ...

    Article : 44 words
  23. MR. DOOLEY'S OPINIONS.

    Prosperity has mellowed Mr. Dooley. He is more of the humorist and less of the satirist. He was full of ferocious gibes at one time; now he gives play to rollicking fun, and, as there is none ...

    Article : 615 words
  24. TAKEN ON.

    Hoax: "Funny! Did you ever notice it?" Joax: "Notice what?" Hoax: "Why, in the beginning of the world a rib became a woman, and now it's ribbons ...

    Article : 38 words
  25. IN AMSTERDAM.

    "I wonder what caused an that protamty at the Royal palace this morning," mused the first Hollander. "That wasn't profanity," exclaimed the second ...

    Article : 37 words
  26. DRIVEN FROM HOME.

    Boggs's Old Friend: "Great heavens! man, do I find you reduced to playing a cornet at the street corner lo make a living?" Boggs: "I ain't doing this to make a living. ...

    Article : 44 words
  27. EMBARRASSING FEET.

    "The trouble with me," remarked the man in the mackintosh, "when it comes to making speeches, is that I can't think on my feet." "I don't wonder," observed the man in the imitation ...

    Article : 54 words
  28. Advertising

    {No abstract available}

    Advertising : 10 words
  29. CAN'T HELP IT.

    "Which do you love most--your papa or your mamma?" Little Charlie: "Hove papa most." Charlie's Mother: "Why, Charlie, I am surprised ...

    Article : 48 words
  30. COOL.

    Mary!" her father called down starts; just ask your young mail if he doesn't think it's pretty near bedtime." "Yes, papa," reolied the--sweet girl, after a ...

    Article : 45 words
  31. MISS MHFFET UP TO DATE.

    Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating some curds and whey, A microbe espied her ...

    Article : 32 words
  32. WITTY BUT UNGALLANT.

    At a modern university a student was fined 10 for kissing a young lady graduate. Next day the following comment appeared in one of the local papers:-- ...

    Article : 60 words
  33. AN EXCEPTION.

    Barnes: "They say a woman is bound to have the last word, you know." Howes: "There are times when a woman is willing the man shall have it--in fact, when she ...

    Article : 66 words
  34. HER SHOPPING POCKET BOOK.

    Croton: "My wife had her pocket book stolen three times within a fortnight while shopping." Yeast: "You don't tell me!" "Yes, and, strange to say, the thieves got the ...

    Article : 45 words
  35. BLIGHT. BLIGHT.

    Beyond doubt the best remedy; over 60 years' reputation, and still unrivallod. Sold everywhere in pots, 2s, each. Never be without it. ...

    Article : 30 words
  36. THE HEIGHT OF LAZINESS.

    There was once a club formed of lazy men. Fines were inflicted on those who ever forgot themselves so far as to do anything in haste. One day several, members saw an old doctor who was renowned for ...

    Article : 108 words
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