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  2. Alotsam and Jetsam

    "You don't get much chance to ride your wheel this weather." "No." "I guess you almost forget you have a wheel, eh?" "Oh, no! I'm still paying the instalments." ...

    Article : 35 words
  3. At Last.

    Sir George White: "I hoped to have met you before, Sir Redvers." Sir Redvers Buller, V.C.: "Couldn't help it, General. Had so many engagements!" ...

    Article : 26 words
  4. Papa's Theory.

    Mamma: "I can't imagine what baby is crying for now." Papa: "Just to keep in practice, I suppose. He may not want anything just now, but he ...

    Article : 34 words
  5. Up-to-date.

    Wheeler: "Is Scorcher superstitions?" Biker: "Very, he's got a bicycle-tire hanging over his door for good luck." ...

    Article : 18 words
  6. Retort Courteous.

    "No man with any sense would approve of your actions, "said the angry husband. "But, my dear," calmly inquired his better half, "how do you know what a man with any ...

    Article : 37 words
  7. Pleasant Prospects.

    Groom, on horseback (to nervous lady, also on horseback, whose bat has just been blown over the hedge): "Beg pardon, Miss. Will you 'old the 'osses while I run after the 'at? ...

    Article : 47 words
  8. The Lessless Age.

    It's a 'lessless' age,remarked Simpers. "What do you mean?" inquired Gales. "Here's a couple who entered upon a loveless marriage, drove away in a horseless ...

    Article : 37 words
  9. The Fowlhouse.

    "Did I see you comin' out o' my white folks' backyard late last night?" inquired Miss Miami Brown. "I dunno," answered Mr. Erastus Pinkley. ...

    Article : 52 words
  10. The War in the Nursery.

    Visitor: "And has baby began to talk?' Elsie: "Oh, yes; but he can only say one word as yet."Visitor: "And what's that?" Elsie: "Bang!" ...

    Article : 29 words
  11. Well Up In Theology.

    In a Sunday school a teacher asked her class, "Boys, can any of you tell me anything about Good Friday?" "Yes'm, I can,"replied the urchin at the ...

    Article : 47 words
  12. Literary Ladies.

    He: "What did you discuss at the meeting of your literary club this afternoon, my dear?" She: "The outrageous action of Miss Burgins in almost doubling her price for making a ...

    Article : 35 words
  13. Seathing!

    She: "You are a brute." The Brute: "You don't say so?" she: "yes, you are a horrid cruel wretch." The Brute: "How tragic." ...

    Article : 31 words
  14. The Nasty Way she said It.

    He (returned from a tour round the world): "Awfully ugly little beggars, the Japs. Why, I was considered quite a good-looking chap out there!" ...

    Article : 33 words
  15. Eyesight was Too Good.

    Much is said in these days about the importance of training the young to habits of observation. It is well to keep one's eyes open, but there are times when it is not a man's ...

    Article : 225 words
  16. Their Little Game.

    Mrs. A.: "It's really extraordinary. My nurse tells me that gentlemen are always stopping her in the street to admire my little girl." ...

    Article : 63 words
  17. Thankful for Small Mercies.

    "I don't ask you to remove your hat, miss," plaintively spoke the little man in the seat behind the fair damsel, "but if you will kindly refrain from wabbling your head I will take it ...

    Article : 73 words
  18. A Useful Smell.

    Mother (telling a fairy tale): "The palace was most beautiful, and scented with the most lovely perfumes, and-" Little Daughter (eagerly interrupting): ...

    Article : 34 words
  19. Verra Difficult.

    Sandy M'Pherson, in a moment of abstraction, put half-a-crown in the collection plate last Sunday in mistake for a penny, and has since expended a deal of thought as to the best ...

    Article : 89 words
  20. A War Flash.

    He (reading): "What the h-1." She (indignantly): "George! You will oblige me by not using such language in my presence." ...

    Article : 34 words
  21. His Strong Point.

    In one of the suburbs of Liverpool lives a young man, who, though really a business man of good repute, is of light and airy manner, and somewhat given to gossip and the ...

    Article : 96 words
  22. Artless Creature.

    Aunt (severely): "I thought I saw you riding along with a gentleman last evening, Niece": "You did, auntie." ...

    Article : 67 words
  23. Infant Pedigries.

    "I tell you," cried Wilks enthusiastically, "that baby of mine is a wonder. Think of it, 8 months old and can talk!" "Pshaw !" remarked his friend carelessly, ...

    Article : 42 words
  24. FACTS & FANCIES.

    A polite way of calling a woman a gossip is to say she is critical. "The older I get the more lively I am," said the Gorgonzola cheese. ...

    Article : 593 words
  25. Had No Experience.

    "Matrimony" was defined by a little girl at the head of a confirmation class in Ireland as "a state of torment into which souls enter to prepare them for another and a better world." ...

    Article : 90 words
  26. His Experience.

    Fuddy: "Did you ever notice how quickly a man forgets you when he has borrowed money of you?" Cuddy: "Not been my. experience. They ...

    Article : 41 words
  27. His Chance at Last.

    Mrs. Smith repeatedly-reminded her husband that the silver was hers, the furniture was hers, and so on, until poor Smith almost wished he had married a girl without a penny. The ...

    Article : 95 words
  28. A Sad Case.

    First Doctor: "Well, I've lost old Yellow- boys!" Second Doctor: "you didn't expect him to recover, did you?" ...

    Article : 33 words
  29. An Ideal Wife.

    Husband (rushing into the room): "Come out quick, for heaven's sake !" Wife: "Why, what's the matter?" "The house is on fire, and we shall be burnt ...

    Article : 70 words
  30. And George Said "Yes."

    Maud (earnestly): "I want to ask you a question, George;" George (also earnestly): "What is it, deareat?" ...

    Article : 38 words
  31. Born For It.

    Fond Mother: "If that boy of mine has any particular bent, I can't find it." [?]" What experiments have you made to find out?" Fond Mother: "Very ...

    Article : 108 words
  32. Defeat.

    His regiment had been ordered our, and ne was saying a fond farewell to the girl he would so soon leave behind him, "But," said he, striving to take a cheerful ...

    Article : 93 words
  33. Satisfied Their Consciences.

    Westerner: "I did know one case where we lynched the wrong man, but we made it all right afterwards." Tourist; "How could you make it all ...

    Article : 37 words
  34. Had a Cold In His Head.

    Passing a field in the Highlands one day I overheard the following somewhat mixed dialogue- "Hey, Dougall" shouted one Highland man to another,"d'ye no' hear me wavin' ...

    Article : 54 words
  35. Reality.

    When Sir John Steell, the noted sculptor, had the Duke of Wellington sitting for a statue, he wanted him to look warlike. All his efforts were in vain, however, for Wellington ...

    Article : 138 words
  36. Luck In the End.

    "Hardaore stack a horseshoe over his barn door for luck. Lightning Btruck the horseshoe and set tire to the barn, burnt up the stable, two wheat fans, a lot of farming implements ...

    Article : 109 words
  37. The Future Mrs. Lofter.

    Lofter: "Indeed, Miss De Vine, I mast say it. You are the belle of the ball." Miss De Vine: "Now, that is very nice of you. And you are the first to discover me, ...

    Article : 65 words
  38. Business First.

    Fussy Man (hurrying into a newspaper office): "I've lost my spectacles somewhere, and I want to advertise for them, but I can't see to write without them, you know." ...

    Article : 120 words
  39. Don't

    Make Pro-Boer observations in railway carriages, or other public places: it is an unhealthy practice, just at present. Hum an accompaniment whilst your hostess ...

    Article : 111 words
  40. Somewhat Inconvenient.

    Jones: "I had a good chance to say I 'told yon so' to Thompson to-day." Brown: "You did? How was that?" "Why, I strongly advised him against ...

    Article : 127 words
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