1909-05-27, English, Article, Journal or magazine article edition: MELBOURNE CHATTER. (27 May 1909)

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MELBOURNE CHATTER. (27 May 1909)
 
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Physical Description
  • 3986 words
  • article
  • Journals
  • Magazines
Published
  • xna, John Haynes and J.F. Archibald, 1909-05-27
Language
  • English

Edition details

Title
  • MELBOURNE CHATTER. (27 May 1909)
Appears In
  • The bulletin., v.30, no.1528, 1909-05-27 (ISSN: 0007-4039)
Other Contributors
  • JOHANNA.
Published
  • xna, John Haynes and J.F. Archibald, 1909-05-27
Physical Description
  • 3986 words
  • article
  • Journals
  • Magazines
Series
Part Of
  • The bulletin.
  • Vol. 30 No. 1528 (27 May 1909)
  • John Ryan Comic Collection (Specific issues).
Subjects
Summary
  • MELBOURNE CHATTER. Melbourne, Mat 24, 1909. My Dear Yarrik,— An incomer by the Mooltan tells me that the wife’s greeting of her Rupert was most gracefully done. Hubby Rupert went to Adelaide to meet the family. Wifie tripped down the gangway looking a Parisian poster. She volunteered a marital peck at her baronet’s countenance, and posed with the full stage effect of wedded bliss. Daughter Phyllis, grown rounder and plumper, indulged in an un-stagelike hug. In the extra express that brought the belated passengers from the yellow-flagged Mooltan the dining car was an improvised one. At Murray Bridge something went wrong with the acetylene lights, and the Hungry fed in darkness until a kindly soul brought dingy, hard-used kerosene lamps to accentuate an atmosphere which was the color of Mr. Johnson. Our Hereditary Knight and his Knightess and Knightling were in the crowd round the big blank table. Came the Rupert lady’s dulcet, Anglicised tones from the shadows : “It is so-oo quaint—these lamps without even a shade on them ! ” And the whole hushed car felt anxiously that the lady would get a shock when she found tliat God leaves out the moon and stars and sun in this part of the world without so much as a rose-colored drape to preserve a baronet’s wife’s complexion. Rupert, by the way, kept the house amused with his excellent playing of the part of paterfamilias. Even in the smoking-car the atmosphere sphere of the piece prevailed, and the Hereditary One spoke largely and piously of morals—especially cially the white and bright and shining morals of every star and meteor-chip in his theatrical venture.” ture.” Henceforth one will have to think of even the ’Ooks of ’Olland as a sort of holiness meeting. The Rupert Clarkes pronounce their girl’s wedding “quiet,” in deference to the memory of the late Janet Clarke. The quietness is to consist sist of merely 100 guests and the frill of two much-dressed society maids of honor, with small girls as the extra frill to hold up the quiet length of bridal train. A Melbourne baker is pulling down, his shop to make room for the tiers of the prospective spective bridal cake. The tenantry are polishing up their kerosene cans for a further tin-tin-abula-i tion at the affair, which will be so quiet that one could not hear it above a Wagner opera. By June 1 all the crackers in China will have reached Ruperts wood, barring those from the Tibetan border, which failed, despite the,most desperate exertions, to arrive at the coast in time. Justice Isaacs and his handsome wife, gave a gay two-step on Saturday (22nd), and drank supper; bumpers to the, health of their elflest daughter, Margie, who links hands in prospective matrimonial monial alliance with Cohen, of the Cohens.. The, youth is a scion of the Sydney house* of Bernard Cohen, which is fabulously wealthy, and is begilded gilded all over in most obvious manner. Diamonds are dashing round even in this early stage. The three-diamond engagement ring threatens to blind Miss Margie every time she washes her face, and prospective pa-in-law has flung hard stones at her. Therefore, the house of Isaac girt on its f rocky armor, and brought in its neighbors to twostep step and rejoice.. That icily aristocratic eldest daughter of the squatting Winter-Irvings, Miss Laura, has pledged her lily-white hand to an officer of Berlin, Captain Von Schxxxxxxxxxk, or thereabouts. His pedigree and standing are something very military and imposing even in Berlin, where goldlace lace is more common than sac suits. A Erocky One, who made a boast of never wearing an outer garment thrice, is beginning to find that there are other uses for money besides the purchase of chiffons. The lady, who inherited pots of affluence from a sporting pa, indulged in the luxury of a beautiful but expensive husband, whose expensiveness became such a habit that the twiceonly only stunt was knocked nearly into six-sensibledresses-a-year. dresses-a-year. An edition de luxe of a European jaunt has been melted into the stuff of which dreams are made. To crown the pretty butterfly soul’s woes, the pet flat:of a fashionable tavern which she rented continuously and indefinitely has gone to the next bidder, wh iletheluxurious ones have risen to a higher and calmer life in the upper parts of the same hotel— sans maid, sans frocks, sans everything. There is an awful moral in this for girls who have a beautiful husband in view. Ugly and kind and money-making—that’s the-best sort of. mate. All the same, one feels very, sorry for the good-looking couple in this case. Mrs. Urquhart, that imposing dame whose husband band patrols the Melbourne E.S. and A. Bank, departs for a fly-round in Uncle Ham s Land. She goes by the Makura on August 2. The Whiting shoal are preening their fins for a deep sea dash. • Daughter Claire is to be married in London in September, and the whole family goes to watch the knot-tying. Ma flies round in a new motor, making farewell'calls, and the two girls break for Sydney to say additional farewells wells there. The bride-to-be stays with the Harry Levys, and sister Aileen puts up at Gowan Brae with the Colonel Burns’ family. Pa, with his white waistcoat, and Ma, with baby Dorothy,* hurry to Sydney in pursuit, collect their other progeny, and board the Makura on August 2. A Yankee-land tour precedes the sacrifice, which is to be gaudy and gold-laced, as befits a wedding where the bridegroom is a favored son of the sea. Lieutenant Chalmers spends his spare time polishing his buttons for his partin the spectacle. tacle. There is a faint suspicion of a rumor that we may have another duchess in our land. Her Grace of Albany murmured in the ear of our Amy Castles, as in a cup, that she was interested in Australia, and intended to visit us at an early date. Miss Castles is evidently “ There ” in London don sassiety. She sang before a most select few organised at the request of the Princess Alexander of Teck, Alexander even persuaded bored Prince Hubby of Teck to be present, and he roused into a semblance of enthusiasm about the Voice, and said “ Haw,” or words to that effect. The sparkling widow of a Melbourne Judge is meditating a second plunge into matrimony with a wealthy squatter of Camperdqwn, the woolly place where Manifold works are expounded. pounded. The lady is having her second chance before either of her two pretty daughters has achieved a first engagement. Just now she is in Bull’s country with her chicks, looking for chances to place them before her new orange blossoms wither. The squatter man owns racehorses horses and other expensive pets, and rolls in wealth—metaphorically speaking. The only persons sons I ever heard of who really rolled in riches were two of the Tyson legatees. They were a pair of wild bush girls, who had read that the right thing to do with great affluence was to roll. So they shifted from the bush to Sydney, and collected lected their property in sovereigns. Next morning ing the people in the victual apartment of the boardinghouse heard strange noises overhead, and the landlady noticed that the two suddenlyrich rich girls were missing at breakfast. She sent up Belinda, the slavey, to call them. Belinda couldn’t attract their attention, though she banged furiously at the door of the bedroom. But she heard a voice saying: “Now, Sarah, it’s your turn next.” And she heard another voice saying ing : “Oh, Jane, I’m so sore I can’t roll any more.” And then the first voice said: “Nonsense, sense, Sarah ; we must live up to our position. We’ve got wealth, and we must roll in it.” So Belinda, being deeply interested, stood on a chair and looked through the fanlight, and saw 70,000 sovereigns on the floor, and two nude girls rolling on the money in turns. They had been at it for four hours, and were a good deal bruised. A preliminary glance at Will Dyson’s show of caricatures at Furlong’s Studios evidenced that that solemn young man possesses a cunning and a skilful hand. Most of his caricatures are almost unnerving in their reality—especially the gay, distinguished tinguished bunch of politicians that figured-in The Lone Hand some time ago. The most impressive picture is that of little Willie Kelly pushing alertly through the atmosphere in all his sartorial splendor; and the most amusing, George Houstoun Reid, standing with the dismal pathos of a prehistoric mammal. Artist Alex. Colquhoun glowers from a little dark frame. Poet Hugh McCrae sticks up like a beautiful penholder just near by, and the elegant waddle of politician Dugald Thomson is perceived a few frames away. Some of the theatrical caricatures, catures, including two notable .ones of actors Dunbar and Geo. Bryant, punctuate the immense plot of more ambitious efforts, and one or two pictures tures of a mystical or spookish significance are perceived here and there. Allan’s have just published three passionate love songlets, words and music by Douglas Hamilton, late of the Frank They are titled : “Till the Dawn,” “When Fades the Light,” and “ Lalji ” ; the latter being a serenade to a supposititious Indian lady, who is invited to creep very softly to the Gates of Love, where the singer is waiting to soothe her under the Dreamland land Tree. Seeing Douglas Hamilton in farcical comedy—he was the Isaac Isaacson of “When Knights Were Bold ” and the starchy Colonel who paired off with Charley s real aunt from Brazil — seeing him in his mummer capacity, one never would suspect him of such exceeding amorousness in his drawing-room ballads. . They are not works of musical pretension, but they run on safe lines in a pleasant melodious style. And they are. selling freely enough. There is.always a market for little love songs that tickle the general ear, and somehow the name of “ Douglas Hamilton ” on the wrapper inspires. confidence. It looks so like the familiar name of a popular composer. Most people think they have heard it a hundred times already in connection with serenades and lullabies, but seemingly they didn’t,, unless it came to them in their slumbers under the Dreamland land Tree. The Try Society had, as a decoration to back up its dance, a Dreadnought, large size, and decked with lighted portholes.till it looked.like a hotel at sea. It had its uses. The shadows thrown backward ward from the hulk made cosy corners for Harold and Ethelwvnda after the stress of the Scullery Lancers. All the decorations were bloodthirsty ; cutlasses and swords and guns, even cannon, bristled round the room. If a Waterloo warning; had happened in the middle of the frivolity—the same as it did at Brussels when there was a sound of cussedness by night—the community would at least have been armed. It was a charity ball, and one degree less than vice-regal. This means that the official sets were bulwarked with mayoral pomp and a top-dressing of local knight and his dame. The frisk brought in a penny or two for the civilisation of the street boy. A wealthy foreign bachelor, who deals in rich; dress material, and spends his spare time studying the female species of butterfly who increases the demand for the fabric, is suffering from severe depression pression since the departure of his most recent charmer; she was a dark-haired and dimpled high kicker of the “’Ook” crowd. Suppers are “ off,” and the moonlit spins of the belated motor are a back number. The chauffeur finds his work limited to a business sprint up the city and down —nor need he freeze in the arc of leather trappings and acetylene light for frigid hours after the day is done. A placard hangs out, “Wanted, a new comedy co.” Like Hoggenlieimer, lieimer, he’s rich. Like Hoggenheimer, he is bored in the morning, bored in the afternoon, and bored at night. Always bored. Pretty Boy Bottomley.-of the ’Oook of ’Ollarnd crowd, goes back to England instead of touring Maoriland with the company. He sheds tears from his violet eyes all over the tea tables at the Vienna, saying farewell' (in separate lots) to the girls of the affluent suburbs who have made him a cult. Miss Maggie Moore lias-become the divinity of a band of Mongolians. The other evening they presented her with a little gift—a package of Chinese fodder, comprising sugarcane, preserved ginger, chow-chow, two pairs of fowls, and sundries. dries. The museum was. strongly wrapped up. and addressed in a deluge of hieroglyphics to “ Mag Mooire.” Evangelistical Alexander has lost one corps of followers that rolled up strongly to his last Australian tralian mission. Then Aleck was a bachelor, magnetic and soulful, and a permanent guard of Toorakian girl dogged his meetings. Now Aleck’s wife travels with him. She was Miss Helen Cadbury, whose pa makes chocolates and great wealth." The Yankee evangelist is business-like in the selection of a rich wife. One particular type of woman in Melbourne is so busy being Saved that the house is going to pot —also the children’s mending is horribly out of hand, and hubby’s digestion is driving him to words that the Revivalists would assuredly condemn. demn. At the midday meeting (meant for busy men who wish to take heed of less material matters in their scrapped food hour) the seats are packed with women who come early and bring their lunch, and feed in the waiting time on juicy morsels of gossip or pious emotion. A cynical chair-duster and caretaker remarked that the same pack of women turn up every time, well fortified with the cold-tea bottle and the übiquitous sandwich. Chapman is a magnetic speaker. He is a judge of humans. He uses all the small mechanical effects known to a good mummer. His voice is a command. “Stand up!” or “Sit down!” he barks at the house with immediate result as if at drill. His mouth shuts tight in a straight line over his bulldog jaw. He is keen, and knows when he’s got ■'em. A critic, seated too near the platform foot, watched the man expend untold energy over the huge mass of audience, then drop exhausted into a chair to mop his brow. “ Shake ’em up a bit,” he muttered to conductor Alexander, ander, “I’m clean tuckered.” And Alexander came up to his cue, and wakened a cyclonic wreathing of electric currents by the sheer force of 4000 voices singing in one tremendous chorus. The choir leaders are chosen with a general seye. The tenor could probably draw £4O a week with ,T. 0. Williamson, and become a matinee idol into, the bargain. His voice is fetching, and far-reaching, ing, and perfectly trained. There are several of these satellite young men on the platform—all with voices with a note in them. Also they are. Beautiful Young Men of the Gibson type, and extremely well dressed, except about the feet, with varnished, parted hair, and sunrise socks. Though Americans are notably well shod, these. Beauty Men have the bulbous feet and wobbly boots that invariably mark the Sky and the young man of religious tendencies. It s curious, how pietists peter out about the feet. It is an interesting theatrical co., this of Chapman man and Alexander. There are eighteen in all, and they are all on the platform — the principals and their wives, and the warbling satellites and their bird-of-paradise. wives. There are one or two small boys in the co. The American Small Boy is a species apart —unique. He is smart, intelligent above the average small boy, a mischief-maker and a howling ing nuisance. Chapman can keep 4000 people under his eye —easy. He often uses cheap, mechanical effects; but a ■ glance round the hall shows almost every pair of eyes cilucd to him—or his hands—hypnotically. But if Chapman requires, his eye for the Small Boy, how can he hypnotise the audience with it? Arid if he doesn’t hypnotise the audience the profits will slump. The firm of Tait Brothers and Sons boasts a. new partner. Brother James Nevin cables from London the arrival of a son. Mrs. James Nevin was Bess Norris, the noted miniature painter, who left Australia to pursue Art with flying feet, in London. Either Nellie Stewart is lame or Nell Gwynne . wears too high heels. They are wonderful, brocaded, caded, buckled shoes that match each marvellous gown, but.if they were a size larger, or if a quarter of a mile were taken off the heels, it might prevent a deformed toddle like the canter of a Chinese empress. With the browning of the leaf on the imported tree—the one which is a' skeleton in the winter— and the breath of autumn asserting itself in the air, the Hunt Club wakes up, says “Tally ho,” and then falls violently off its horse. The first meet of the Melbourne Hounds this season will be at Oaldeigh Station on Saturday (29th), and . the hour, is two. Tea at the finish will be at The Kennels, South Oakleigh. Blague rats are even following Cupid. The postal authorities are heavily taxing weddingcake, cake, in despair of being able to keep up with the mending of gnawed mailbags. _ The, newlyweds weds send pieces of their indigestible confectionery ery for gushing maids to dream upon. Several tons of cake in a year make the mailbags a reliable liable lunch counter for the plaguey rat, and attract him where hot love letters, or business circulars, or threats, from duns offer but dry gnawing. Mrs. Newly-wed’s mother and sisters will cull the list considerably when the tariff is raised to Is. a time. Erom “Rosna,” who dwelleth by the castled Torrens river : His Ex. of South Australia.has been ill, and so he has rested from his labors in opening things and chajrm aiming movements. Nevertheless and notwithstanding, there was another At Home at the Residence on Tuesday eve, when Herself and the twin girls shook the hand of a small and select community and its lawful wife. The frivol is one of several half-informal affairs of the kind. The invitations were sent broadcast over the land only a few days before the event, as a species of surprise packet. The Ministry and its bride were present, also four separate and distinct families of Ayers, several branches of the Giles tree, and the inevitable others-too-numerousto-mention. to-mention. Her Ex. is so stately and graceful, that it is a joy to regard her. Also she has that indefinable thing called charm, which has neither length, breadth, depth, thickness nor diagonal measurement, yet is, withal, a precious possession and worth many talents, both of silver and gold, as well as all the notes ever issued by the Commercial Bank of Jerusalem. The Queen Adelaide Club for women approaches completion, pletion, and will be thrown open early in July. It threatens to baa big success, and'Mrs. Box, to whose energies Adelaide owes the institution, has a fine committee mittee behind her. ■ The directors are Lancelot Stirling, J. W. Bakewell, E. W. Hawker and Mrs. Box. The lastnamed named is chief director as well as secretary and manager. The charming Mrs. Jim Anderson and Miss Addie Baker are hon. secs, pro tem., and the copiroittee includes the Way dame, Mrs. Robert Rymill, Mrs. Edmund Bowman, Mrs. Leonard Bakewell, and some 19 or'2o more equally well-known and soundly financial folk. The club house is the late Dr. Cawley’s old place, which is being specially and beauteously bedecked and furnished. There will be a dining-room, two reception-rooms, a silence-room (just to prove that women can be silent!) a strangers’-room, and slumbering accommodation for some 11 members. All the furniture,is to he strictly home grown. The subscription scription is a modest and retiring £2 2s. Once the club is opened members may breakfast, lunch, tea, dine and sup there. That obscure and unimportant animal called man can go there, provided a member introduces him. The authorities intend to affiliate with the Alexandra Club, Melbourne ; also, the Ladies’Empire Club, and the Austral Club in Britain ;>so straying members can interchange, change, so to speak. There was an impromptu feature of the Cruelty to Animals meeting that couldn’t have been more successful if it had been specially rehearsed. Just as Mrs. Ennis was reading to an attentive multitude her report on the four-footed or feathered brethren and sisterhood, a dog walked up the hall, mounted the platform, and stood before her wagging his tail with great applause. . He was a delegate from the Canine Union or the Order of Gay Dogs or something, and I’m sure he gave Mrs. Ennis some inside information about cruelty to dogs, because I saw him talking to her for a long time. We are expecting Ada Crossley and her medical husband had nearly a week with the parental Mueckesat Medindie before sailing hack to England. She had come for a rest, so little did the gaping outer world see of her. The company departed parted by the Seydlitz on Friday, a frilly little party weeping into its lace hanky at" the Outer Harbor the while. Adelaide was counting on another Crossley concert, cert, and it is wearing an injured countenance because it didn’t get one. The eldest nice daughter of a musical family, Florence Jurs, has been badly injured by an arrow. Her case is said to be hopeless. The person who discharged the missile, one Cupid, is still at large, and the police have no information to offer. Mr. Montague White, of somewhere in Queensland, is said to have instigated the outrage. The police have no information to offer about him either. That pretty blonde Melbourne girl, Uni Russell, and her mother came into Adelaide for a brief day last week on their way home after putting a fourteen months’girdle round the old globe. The little girl was looking very bright and well. Site crowded any quantity of fun into her trip, studied some art in the Latin quarter of Paris, had her voice inspected and fixed up in Milan, saw some more art by Mr. da Vinci and other famous Italian corpses, climbed up Switzerland and Scotland, looked at Killarney to see whether the bards spoke the truth about it, and went to the theatre every day. Mr. Russell came over from Melbourne to meet them and escort them home in triumph. They have been blowing things up at our ’Varsity. Professor fessor Kerr Grant was making oxygen gas out of potassium sium of axtzylprnikuvxqr—l think that is correct —when a tube became detached, a retort overturned, and there were the two ends and the middle of the father of a burst up. The professor had the bad luck to be burned rather severely, and has gone to North Adelaide Hospital for repairs. News has just arrived from London of the death from meningitis,of Dr. Archie Miller. He was a clever South Australian boy—only son of the Melville Millers, of North Adelaide—and went to Britain some years ago to finish bis medical course at Edinburgh. 'He was only 26, and had just begun a course of study of special diseases in the London Central Hospital. On Monday, which is after I write this, but before it reaches the indignity of p: int, the celebrities who govern the Queen Victoria Home had (or were to have) a reception tion and promenade concert in the Town Hall. Lady Bosanquet philanthropically lent herself (or is going to lend herself—just as you look at it) and her hand to be warmly shaken by many people. The affair is going to come off with great success which, seeing that it happened last Monday (unless something prevented it) is a hard saying and difficult to understand. But when you write on Saturday for a remote paper which comes out on Thursday your tenses grow mixed. Yours affectionately, JOHANNA.
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