Sunday Times (Perth, WA : 1902 - 1954), Sunday 30 August 1903, page 1


THEY SAY That the business ways of a sanctimonious land agent are not in keeping with his much-advertised piety.

That the difference he cops between the sellers' and the buyers' price is often 60 per

cent. !

That he recently received an offer of £150 for an acreage at North Perth.

That he wired to the owner in Melbourne and told him he had an offer of £60 !

That this is one job among hundreds worked by this shuffiesome saint.

That the mail steamer wharf was last week the scene of a coincidental contre-temps.

That a fairly young and well-off Fremantle couple had grown exceedingly tired of each other's caresses.

That each secretly arranged to clear out for a trip with an illicit love.

That each brace of guilty birdlets arranged to do a canoodle to Colombo.

That the quartette of elopers met under assumed names on the gangway !

That "Mundaring's Romeo" repudiates the libel that he inserted the wanted-a-wife

ad.

That five golden virgins who replied to his plea are seeking the stout man's scalp.

That "Business" has not yet dared to claim his correspondence.

That in consequence of the fiasco the shekeled spinsters are taking legal advice from Lyon Weiss.

That the warning printed by this paper anent the guns from the East has borne

fruit.

That punters who took the tip saved themselves from a nothing-to-all bet.

That the crooks who were herein pilloried took the knock as predicted.

That the small sports who trusted them were as flat as they were financial

That the attempt to lure a straight-writ-ing scribe to a hocussing hovel was spoiled by a warning tip.

That speech is silvern and silence golden is the case of a toney Highgate Hill board-ing house.

That the consideration of having a lucre-spending lodger incites the hashery to wink

at his wickedness.

That the burly barrister is therefore al-lowed to "entertain his friends" in his swagger suite.

That an assay of the reception tailings shows the preponderance of hairpins and

dead marines.

That the Hospital Saturday people have

no love for a White Australia.

That the job of making the collection-boxes has been given out to Chows.

That the saintly sweaters might fitly rope

the Asiatics in to ask for alms.

That Clarth's great Greenbushes water scheme is at last partially floated.

That the promoter has so far succeeded in suppressing his joy.

That the explanation is that the late rains have partly submerged the plant.

That the crestfallen Clarth has lit out for the lout who built it to summer levels.

That the municipal mugwumps' rejection of James's jaunt was a heroic adherence to perinciple.

That the one-eyed aldermen might apply the same reasoning to their annual blather.

That the self-same sentiment would stand

for those who sojourned to "'Sunnyside.''

That the robbing out of Trewartha is a biff in the eye for his West champion.

That the jerked-out jock has no firmer admirer than Hackett's stodgy scribbler.

That the turf is a gainer by the rusti-cating of the mischievous mannikin.

That Doctah Ass—tles has hautily re-signed his billet on the hospital staff.

That the misogynistic medico disdainfully declines to associate with a skirted saw-bones.

That the wooden-headed old wowser is

regarded as a martyr by other girl-hating

Galens.

That "Dr." Hackett's frill was one of the

glories of the square-and-compass corro-

boree.

That the learned leader-writer got round in ells of linen and yards of lace.

That his dexterous manipulation of the apron suggested erstwhile experience of washing-up.

That a crew of insulting cads ran riot in the theatre on Thursday night.

That the insufferable hogs black guarded men playgoers and openly insulted helpless

women.

That cads like Jamieson, Rich and Robertson are unfit for admission to a low-down café chantant.

That a party of picnickers stirred Can-nington out of its accustomed sanctity last Sabbath.

That the sophisticated locals have not yet recovered from the shock of their violent orgies.

That a lushed-up couple strayed out to the bush and refused to leave their lair.

That violent hands were laid on "Don" and his donah to secure their return town-ward.

That the Nooze announcement was a bolt from the blue to the Courier staff.

That the emptied-out inkslingers were looking out for a quiet life.

That the outcome of the business will be a monopoly for the William-street wind-bag.

That a Port publican is well in the run-ning for the mean-man biscuit.

That the bloated bung is remorselessly pursuing a page for the price of a broken glass.

That in default of the page the unfederal fusil flinger is going to besiege a barmaid.

That a repetition of the Walsh-Thorn schlenter is threatened to be preparing for

Perth.

That the pugs are alleged to have sounded the police with a view to using 100oz. gloves.

That the whole Ambulance Society will be on hand to assist at the eanguinary scrap.

That the South Fremantle Methodies are adepts at screwing silver from youngsters.

That at a recent allegedly free show the kiddies were made to stump up heavily.

That the come-round-and-enjoy-yerselves invitation proved to be on the bob-a-nob basis.

That a Perth baggage-agent has taken an abject ? turn since his phiz appeared

in the TIMES.

That, while reflecting on his fatal beauty he flopped down into the Swan.

Guessing competitions in connection with the land sales are the order of the day. Following the example of the Gosnell Estate people, J. S. Duffy announces a competition apropos of the Swan View Estate, which is warranted to tax the ingenuity of the best puzzle expert in the community. The prize is a 6-acre farm, and the man who wins it will have deserved it. Here is another chance for Minister Hopkins to immortalise himself. His abilities this way don't surely stop at Mundijong porkers.

Next Saturday at the Rose and Crown Grounds, Guildford, a 100 yards' handicap of 15 sovs. will be run. Entries close on

Thursday. It is to be hoped that this han-dicap will be more successful than that which took place yesterday week.

They say that ladies ought to read the coupon on page 6, and take advantage of the offer made by the well-known English Toilet Requisite Company, the Koko Maricopas Company. Ltd., proprietors of

the celebrated Koko for the hair.

To "Wager," a querist re cribbage—The

answer is "No."