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More TIME .. . less PAYMENT for Income Tax!
National problem that can be
This is rather a painful subject and it hurts me more than it does you.
There is a proposal that income tax should be paid on the time payment system. And any mention of payment of income tax is trifling with the tender susceptibilities of you and me.
THERE is more than one
aspect of this matter. Certainly the idea of paying your income tax in one lump is a bit ludicrous, not to say highly impossible, but the time-payment system also has its drawbacks.
One of my numerous bosses has an idea. That's the trouble with him-he gets ideas, and I've got to
stand around and say, "Gee! That's marvellous! How ever do you think of these things?"
Anyhow, he has an idea about how the average wage-plug should manage his tax payments.
It seems that you get a row of boxes-don't laugh-and mark them STATE, FEDERAL, RENT, GAS, TELEPHONE, MILKMAN, and so forth.
Quibblers may ask where they are going to find room for all the
0 _ AUSTRALIA'S By »J» FOREMOST
Illustrated by WEP
boxes, but a simple solution to that is to sell some of the furniture.
Each pay-day you make a round of the boxes, chucking in a florin here and a bob there.
When a bill comes in you say: "Ha! That will be Box 69."
You empty out Box 69 and that's that. Like the devil it is! (Pardon me, girls.)
The theory is fine. But you try trying to try it
I started off in a mild way. Every time I used the telephone at home I put threepence into a small box. I felt quite good about it. A virtuous citizen plodding along doing his best, systematically pay- ing his way, looking the whole world in the face, like the village black-
And what do I find? The wife pays the butcher with the telephone
This means the installation of another box for the butcher.
That's when things start to get complicated It becomes obvious that having paid the butcher with the telephone money it is only fair that the telephone hoard should be supplemented from the electric light box.
You make a note of the transfer on the outside of the boxes, and after a time you find yourself paying your income tax to the milkman.
No Boxes are ruled out.
T THINK I shall stick to the old
method. My present method, if you must know
An official-looking letter arrives. The wife says. "Here's a letter for you!"
I look at it and ^y, "You open it." She says, "No. It's addressed to you. YOU open it."
"What about "vriting 'Address Unknown' on it, and sending it
"Don't be a cur, you coward."
"Well, 111 open the envelope, you take out the letter and I'll toss you who reads lt."
I lose the toss, and it's from some Government official I've never heard of who wants £7/9/11.
TI ever I get sufficient wealth and temerity I am going to challenge that elevenpence business. I can't remember getting a bill from any Government department which hasn't finished up with elevenpence.
Ill bet there's some swollen-headed clerk who makes out these things and chuckles gutturally as he says, "And elevenpence."
If all the elevenpences I have paid or owe at the present time were placed end to end they would be sufficient to pay for a fleet of Short Sunderland heavy bombers.
What was I telling you about? Time payment of taxes. Yes.
What ls needed-and this should be obvious to the dullest intellect-is more time and less payment.
I know, having been told 3000 times to remember that we are at war.
We must put forward a supreme
L. W. Lower balances his weekly budget-but for how
effort. That's O.K. with me, and I'm in favor of it.
My landlord is extremely patriotic and has inv sted so heavily in war bonds at ä per cent, that he has had to put my rent up five shillings a week.
If everybody were honest and de- cent and nice and British like me, the time-payment business would
But everybody is not honest and decent and nice and British like me.
A hideous specimen of a taxi driver took me home the other night after we had been here and there, and the meter registered fifteen shil- lings. I offered him two shillings and promised him the rest if I ever saw him again
The ungrateful brute slammed the door and drove me to the police station. The case hasn't come off yet, but I am composing a speeéh
from the dock. It's a pearl, even if I do say it myself.
Why I mentioned this is that the only place you get fair treatment on the time-payment system is in gaol Or perhaps in court.
"You are fined thirty shillings and
"Time to pay, Your Worship?"
"Sure, pal! What can you pay?" "Eightpence a month."
"That'll be plus sales tax."
"Goodo. That's another stain on your character. I'll be seeln' you. Drop in Don't neglect us."
Now, most merciful for us all, I have run out of writing paper. I'll have to write small
If by taxes you're oppressed,
Forget it all and give it best.
Tax-gatherers ere this hae died, And not a citizen yet cried.