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2 corrections, most recently by nellibell49 - Show corrections

YOU'RE DRUNK!

By T. A. CUSACK

When you want to put the clock out and

you try to wind the cat;

When the pavement comes to meet you and

the lamp post lifts its hat;

When you can't jusht findsher key hole

landing home at 1 half past three

You may take the wife's word for it that

you're drunk as you can be.

When a purple snake salutes you and he

wears a spotted tie:

When you've just one big ambition- it's to

drink an ocean dry;  

When you can't say conshishusion when

you think the lump's a keg

And you try to drink the goldfish you're

as full as any egg.

When your brains commence to rattle and

your knees begin to knock

When you argue with a 'copper' that the

moonsh a town hall clock:

When a purple railway signal starts to

dance a Highland fling

And you cannot find your ticket you're as

drunk as anything.

When you lob home with a lobster that's

been dead for half a week

And your sense of smell is sort of hors de

combat sho to shpeak;

When you tell the wife you're (hic) as

shober ash can be

It's a pound to half a cherry that you're

jagging on the spree.

When your tongue is wagging freely and

your senses are awry

When your legs are unresponsive and your

feet are stepping high,

When your head is gaping open and your    

commonsense is kinked            

In the language of the classics you are

well, and truly inked,.

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