February 14th, is St. Valentine's Day; but the old custom of the exchange of valentines between lovers has fallen into disuse through failure to bring the valentine up to date.
FROM HIM TO HER HEY ! You ! Dare say you know I've fallen hard For that dead pan of yours. No need to shout it. So, kid I'm posting you this little card. Don't want to be a bore. But what about it ? You seem to have a map That doesn't jar. A spot of brains. A sunny disposition. I'm not too foul a chap; I've got a car;
But feel fed up Of my unhitched condition. Thought that a fly at double Might enhance it. So, if not too much trouble, Shall we chance it ? Briefly, and cutting out the mushy line, Will you, old turnip be my Valentine ?
FROM HER TO HIM FISHFACE. Of all the sheiks In my young life You hate yourself the least. Why all the drivel ? You need a microphone, lad, Not a wife, To mop up all that sentimental drivel. Your Valentine ? Help ! Can't you be your age ? Why all the sloppy surge; The fond insistence ? If you deem me still coy, At this late stage. Why do you think I've noticed your existence ?
Frankly, Poor unsophisticated blob, I've had you definitely tabbed For ages. So, if you think you can hold down your job And. maybe, get a decent rise in wages, I'll recondition you. So let's get rid Of all the cackle. Make it snappy, kid !